An effort to be happy

The Nintendo Switch I bought as a reward for myself during my rest period arrived yesterday. And I was like a small kid, hooked and played with it until midnight. Playing a game while enjoying a glass of wine with a snack that tickles me a little, as if I am properly enjoying being an adult.

I slept a little longer than usual, but the sound of rain woke me up this morning. On rainy days, not only the sound of dripping rain, but also the sound of cars sliding away on the rain-soaked road is pleasant to my ears.

My wounded heart is gradually healing, and I am honestly happy to feel light and unaccountable again. And I am thankful that life still exists for me to feel that way.

I've had a cold all week, so I opened the window a little and breathed in a chest full of fresh air.

Then it occurred to me that somewhere on earth there are people who spend their days shivering with fear, not even having time to think about the weather, and my chest filled with that fresh air became a little bitter again.

Wake up, wash your face, make coffee, check your e-mail, play a game, take a walk, go to work, talk with friends, eat a meal, exercise, sleep. All of these things you take for granted, but the truth is that you keep making choices for yourself. Also being able to make your own choices is more than enough to be happy.

Of course, the environment around me gonna change, if  I change myself. But sadly, the world does not change at all. I know that, but I still strongly want to change the world. Even in the small world I live in now, I have not been able to change it successfully though.

People said that I have the ability to take action and that I am amazing, but there are pros and cons in everything. Although I gained a lot by taking action, to be honest, I was always fighting against loneliness. I especially like to communicate with other people, so even though I enjoyed my alone time, I always felt lonely somewhere.

What makes everyone feel happy? When people thank you? When you share delicious food with your loved ones? When you talking with your family? When you take a nap? When you take your first sip of beer? When petting your pet?

I used to interpret the effort to make my dreams come true as an effort to feel the highest level of happiness for me. But I feel that happiness is always somewhere around us, and it is not something that we can obtain by making efforts, but something like the air that enters our hearts and minds. Then, why do we strive to make our dreams come true? It's hard to say.

That's all for today.

I will share my nowhere thoughts tomorrow too.
Bye then.