Bye bye Baby

Last night was a very difficult day to sleep.

After the fasting, I cocked beef, radish and potato stew with him and watched a Japanese drama while we eating. He was so happy eating my food and imitating Japanese while watching the drama that I felt really loved the ordinary life.

After eating dinner, we took a short break and started playing Mario Kart together. He seemed to be getting the hang of it and finding more and more enjoyment as we played more and more often, "Let's just play one more game!" and we played several races, even though he was the one who woke up earlier than me.

Before going to bed, as usual, we shared what had happened to us today and what we were thinking about, and I fell asleep.

But I still had something stuck in my mind. I woke up around 1 am. I didn't wake up groggy, I fully woke up and my mind was in agony. I couldn't get the bad thoughts out of my head, and the thoughts in my head made my mind buzz even more.

I managed to not think about it using a technique I learned in meditation, but it still didn't work.
Feeling sorry for him, but I shake his shoulder, woke him up a little and asked him for a hug, which he gave me.

The power of a hug is truly amazing. Why does it make people feel so safe?

Then, even though I didn't say anything, he said, "Don't worry, I'm here for you. I'm right here. I'm right here," he whispered to me. It was a chilly night, but his hugs and whispers made me feel warm and safe as if a warm light shone on my body and I was able to fall asleep again.

Still my chest continued to feel stuffy after I woke up in the morning. But I meditated slowly while he was at the gym.This morning's meditation felt only slightly more effective.

To turn back the clock a bit, I spoke with three friends yesterday afternoon. I am thankful that I came to Canada on my own and have people I can call real friends.

One of them was my roommate who I had originally asked to move in with me, and even though I hadn't heard from her in a while, it felt like only yesterday that we were living together. She is in a different area now, but maybe she will come back here. If so, I'm really happy.

The other girl came to my house and we talked for four hours, even though we had originally planned to play a game. We talked about complicated things, and I listened to her problems, and I realized that everyone is fighting for their lives everyday.

My mother also told me something yesterday. She said that when you are going through a hard time, it is a good time to meet people and go to places where people come and go. It feels like the world we live in is everything for us, but the world is actually much bigger and there are many different people. You can look at the people who pass by, listen to their conversations, and anticipate their lives. There are always things that time will solve.

I made a big decision for me today. I'm not going to mention about it, but hope it will be better.