Adult≠Mature

One of very mundane and common question is "What is adulthood?". Strangely enough, this question seems to become more profound as one grows older.

I will turn 30 this year, and yet I don't feel that I am an adult at all. Maybe that is something to be ashamed of, or maybe I am still feeling young as long as I feel that way.

But am I an adult?

Now I pay my taxes and I have the ability to live on my own. I was 23 when I first left home and started living on my own, so have I grown up since then? No, that can't be right. But even the ban on alcohol was lifted, and I had to take responsibility for everything I did. Just because I rely on my parents for some things doesn't mean that I'm not an adult. It's a question that has no right answer.

Even now, I have grown up a lot since I left my parents' house at the age of 23. However, I cry when I feel sad or frustrated, and I shut my heart down or become grumpy when I don't like something.

I can't deal with my childish self. The frustration of not being an "adult" has been pulling my hair back for a long time.

But what makes me feel like an adult is that I am prepared for many things. The notice of dismissal came as a complete surprise to me. But for some reason, I felt very calm. Somewhere along the way, I realized that I was already prepared to leave.

However, because I had not taken the courageous step beyond my resolve, God may have given me a chance to leave. I believe that I have a great ability to carry through with whatever I decide to do. But the real me is always conflicted about whether to procrastinate. Fortunately, my competitive nature wins out and I rarely drag.

As for this time, God said, "Hey, what's going on? What are you doing here when you should be leaving?" I may have irritated God.

It is very sad to say goodbye to someone you love. And in my case, starting something new is always accompanied by pain. My heart tingles with nervousness, and it is honestly troublesome to have people get to know me from scratch. I am tired of trying to be liked by everyone.

I'd like to avoid it if I could, but as far as that goes, I probably never will. If you want to live a good life for once, you have to keep breaking up and keep meeting people. I deeply understand that, so I guess I am an adult after all.

What do you all think of being an adult?