The best self-care for me and my daughter
Author： Satojun
Cheers!!!
On weekends, I throw home parties. It might be influenced by the easygoing lifestyle of my daughter and me, as well as the frequent gatherings held at my parents' house during my childhood.
Most of the people I party with are my friends and close mom friends, but I had never hosted a party with the moms from my daughter's nursery school.
It was because I found the nursery school moms intimidating and kept my distance from them.
The trigger goes back to when my daughter was three years old and I was diagnosed with breast cancer, leading me into a battle against the disease.
When I was undergoing chemotherapy treatment, even picking up my child from nursery school was incredibly exhausting. Seeing me in that state, the moms at nursery school pretended not to see me and I overheard them talking about me.
They were gossiping like
"She must be suffering from some kind of illness."
"She's dangerously thin, isn't she?"
Overhearing that from acquaintances made me feel "unforgiving."
After a year and four months of fighting cancer, even after my daily life returned to normal, I still continued to keep my distance from the moms of my daughter's peers in the Nursery Class for the next two years.
During that time, I participated in a program called "Group Reflection."
Group Reflection is an advanced program offered by Single Mothers Sisterhood as part of their self-care workshops. It is a five-session program where the same group of participants gathers every two weeks to share their self-reflections. Participants write their reflections on a reflection sheet, share their own thoughts, and receive feedback and questions from their peers. We get new perspectives through feedback from peers.
I have been participating in several sessions of group reflection, and the feedback I receive from my peers allowed me to gain insight into my inner self in a way different from sharing with family and friends. It has become my precious self-care time in my life.
Through these moments of introspection, I realized that I wanted to change the distance I kept from the nursery school moms. I was a little surprised at this realization myself.
I am naturally proactive in making friends. Once again I recognized the discomfort I felt about keeping my distance from the nursery school moms.
When my daughter became a senior in nursery school, I volunteered to be the leader of the album committee.
I chose to put myself in a situation where I would need to communicate with the moms of the children in the nursery school.
I proceeded by discussing and planning roles and schedules with the team members.
And furthermore, I actively participated in nursery school events to communicate and interact with others.
Although the skeptical feelings of "Is someone still gossiping about me behind my back?" and the anger of "I cannot forgive" were not completely erased at once, I gradually shortened the distance, changing myself as well, and freed myself from the bondage of "unforgiving."
On March 31st, the last day of nursery school, the album was finally completed.
During the final week of nursery school, the Album committee's work was at its peak, and after kids had fallen asleep, we communicated through LINE and conducted editing and verification work.
On the final day, when the moms gathered in the nursery schoolyard, we hugged each other and exclaimed, "We made a great album!" We got to build a relationship where we could praise and appreciate each other.
And now, I have invited the nursery school moms and kids, hosting home parties.
My daughter eagerly counted down the days until the party where she would invite her nursery school friends. I prepared delicious food, and we all enjoyed that time together.
During the recent Group Reflection, when I shared the process of completing the album, one of the members advised me, "You appear to have had a lot of fun doing it!" That made me realize something.
I transformed the feeling of "unforgiveness" within me into something else of the past and let it go. And established a closer relationship with the moms, creating enjoyable moments. I was genuinely happy about the change within myself.
Let's have a party on the weekend!
Cheers, laugh and enjoy delicious food.
This is the best self-care for me and my daughter!!
Call for Donations
Thank you for taking the time to read our essay. This essay was written by a single mother Satojun for the Mother's Day Campaign 2023. The Japanese non profit Single Mothers Sisterhood is an organization dedicated to supporting the mental and physical well-being of single mothers. Every year in May, we conduct a campaign to promote the importance of self-care and celebrate the diversity of families. Reading the essays written by single mothers allows us to appreciate the diverse qualities and characteristics that make each and every one of them special and unique. We would greatly appreciate your support. You can visit our donation page by clicking here.
よろしければサポートお願いします。いただいたサポートはひとり親の心身のセルフケアとエンパワメントの支援活動に使わせていただきます。