Day 45, the last day

This is the hardest week for me. I had never got tired during my stay, but now I'm so tired actually.

I'll leave here in few hours. I'm writing now at the airport with drinking coffee. I arrived here earlier because I couldn't sleep well but I had nothing to do anymore.

I write this just to record my current feeling.

Actually, writing blog is the only way to express about myself. People said to me "You're so quiet!" but just, I don't know how to express myself in the communication with someone. My brain is always talking to me loudly, my emotion is also always so busy, sometimes I can't cope with that. I just try to keep me being cool. I get confused when someone ask me about myself even it is just small thing, even not in English. I think that's why I'm quiet. I understand about myself and it sometimes become difficulty for me. I need some method to express about myself, so I'm writing this blog.

 

I was crying again and again in the closet last night. I couldn't control my sadness. Why in the closet? Because the room without any company is too wide for me. I like the silence while being alone, but it's too lonely for the emotional night.

We still had the class just a week ago. But now, I have to leave here now.

I still remember the last class last Monday. There were only 4 students in the morning, and they were all so emotional in that day. I don't know why, but some were crying, screaming, and look nervous. And in the afternoon, I took some pictures and videos of them to make video for surprising them and their parents. 

I remember everything in the class. The first working day was so tirely. The first activity was cutting some papers and making birds. The first word they gave me was "Check this out!" I was very nervous because I didn't know how to communicate with them. I was still thinking about my original plan; volunteering at school in Tondo.

And after that, we were celebrating Valentine day, playing in Sucat, making the art by using origami, dancing together, celebrating birthdays, dancing hula and watching movies... I had much time with them. I can't list up all of the memories. Everytime I was with them, they made me so happy and smiling. Finally I really enjoyed the school life with kids.

Actually I told Japanese friends about the kids at school everyday. I told them how I enjoyed the volunteer life here and how the students were cute. My wallpaper of smart phone is the photo of the kids and me. I really like them.

Sometimes I felt frustration a bit because I'm not professional teacher, I couldn't understand what they want. Staying only 6 weeks is too short to observe their progress and to know well about them.

I can't stop crying when I think about this sudden farewell. Too sad. I sang goodbye song with them and said "See you again tomorrow." but I can't anymore. I still remember their voice calling my name.

Oh, it's the time to drop my luggage. Leaving time will be there.

Okay, I'm at leaving gate already. 2 hours later, I will be in the sky. Actually I didn't know how to ride the airplane until last year 😅 But now, I can do by myself.

Oh, the word of "airplane" reminds me one cute student. She likes the playing that I lift up her body and spin around. We called the playing "airplane". That's tirely playing but she always said "one more!" ... it was so cute.

Ahh I wanna drink beer now, I'm thirsty in my throat and my heart. Like empty. I have nothing to do now. Just leave. Too bad.

Actually lots of people send me heartful message today but I'm tired to get emotional now, so I'll reply them later, sorry!!!

However, I understand that I should see the brighter side of things. Life is a series of unpredictable things. Okay then let's see the brighter side.

I am really happy to see all of the people I met here.

I really like the students, teachers, parents, UST aiesecer, church friends and house keeper in my dorm.

They gave me a lot. A lot of unforgettable memories, heartful message, big smile and energy and love...

I can't see the all students and teachers, but I could see some of them in the last 2 days. The teacher took me to visit them. I understand this is dangerous situation now because of virus. But still they allowed me to visit them. I really appreciate it. Some parents send me messages and videos of kids even we can't see directly. I'm sooo happy.

I feel sad but it will be the reason to come here again in the future. I'll come to the Philippines again.

It is very convenient that we can contact them by messenger or something at anytime we want. I'll keep in touch with them. I hope they give reply me haha...

Every person was so nice to me. I'm not good at communication in English but they were always welcoming me. I'll also do that for the others.

Oh, it's the time to board. Time passed so fast today. I couldn't write down all of my feeling and gratitude for them.

I'll go back to Japan now. It's cloudy here but it's sunny in Japan.

Thank you and I love you.

I am so happy to spend 6 weeks here.

Goodbye and see you soon again!