2021 5月のまとめ

妹と二人暮らし始めました〜
両親の引っ越し祝いで手巻き寿司食べました。一人で家事をして、母親に頼ってたんだなと気づいた。

色々あって、大変な一月でした。学校の宿題の量が多くて。。。結構疲れた。なんとか学期を乗り越えて夏休みに突入しました！お祝いに一年以上会ってない仲間とSix Flagsで遊びました。

人間関係って難しいよね。やっぱり釣り合わない人もいる事に気づいた。タイミングもかな？相手の人が色々背負って、それにちゃんと支えれなかった事に少し責任を感じる。相手の愚痴にしっかり聞いて、正直に対応しました。私は言いたいことをハッキリする性格なので、もしかして厳しく聞こえたかもしれない。しかし、その人のストレスを体当たりされた時、信頼を失いました。相手も謝って私が許したから、もう一度信頼を取り戻そうと提案した時、誤解されたのかその人から縁を切られました。縁切られた時、それまで関係を治そうと努力した時間が本当に無駄に感じた。その瞬間、心が折れて泣きました。状況を仲良い友達に相談すると、私のせいでは無いと言われた。優しいすぎだと。。。色々あってけど、友達の支えに救われました。

自粛期間になってからスキンケアの重要さに気づきました。最近は毎日のようにセラムや保湿液を顔に塗ってます。

後、新しい携帯をもらいました！5年ぶりに親に買ってもらいました。前にあったiPhone8は自分で買ったので父が携帯を買ってくれる提案をした時、嬉しかったです。記念に写真いっぱい撮りまくりました。

最後に６月はもっと明るい1ヶ月を送りたいと思います。そしてJust Danceを運動として頑張りたい。

2021 May Highlights

Okay, I kinda got lazy to continue typing in Japanese so yeah...

This month was chaotic for many reasons. To start off the month, I started living alone with my younger sister. Helping out my parents move out was quite a tedious task, but it felt rewarding when I ate sushi with the family at the end. Soon after, I had an interview for an internship which (no surprise) I didn't make it. I don't mind that I did not get the job but I wish I was informed about it. 

As finals got more intense, the more stressful life felt. At the time, I did not think it was stressful but now I think about it, I was awfully stressed. I was so stressed that the inside of my mouth was bleeding and my jaws were immensely hurting from my teeth grinding. The whole situation was a new experience for me and I tried my best with handling it. If this person ever comes upon this post, I hope they are not offended by me opening up this situation online. If they are offended, hopefully, they will be mature enough to contact me to take this off. 

disclaimer: the next few paragraphs are a huge rant about this incident from my perspective (and yes it's a condensed version). i do not blame the other party for what happened nor are they a horrible person.

This was a situation that had been occurring for quite some time now. It started when I met college people in person for the first time (as mentioned in April's Highlights). There was some miscommunication that went on and both parties agreed that they are partially responsible for what happened. For the rest of the month, nothing much occurred in my perspective. It was fine until they started questioning me if I was close with certain people. Though I answered their question truthfully, they seemed to continue questioning me. I told them how it was unfair that they would not explain the intent behind these questions which I found to be personal. It led up to a night where the other party wanted to talk to me. However, I forgot to contact them that day and instead played games with other friends. I understand that I hurt them and I apologized to them for that. If it was urgent for them to talk to me, it would have been nice for them to reach out. I also have other reasons but it comes off as an excuse so oop. Things escalated, until one day they threw a bunch onto me saying I along with other people have neglected him. I was disappointed by their statement because other than the one time I forgot, I've offered my time and kindness to listen to them. They even listed out incidents when they felt neglected but it seemed as if all of those incidents were misinterpreted. In the end, they admitted that they were stressed with other life problems and lashed them onto me. As a result, I lost my trust in this person. Since I cared about this person and was involved in a club board with them, I told them we wanted to keep things professional. I later told them, I was willing to rebuild the relationship but I'm struggling to trust them. Maybe I loaded too much onto them but they ended up cutting me off and withdrawing from the club even though we decided to keep things professional. After they cut things off, I had to open up to the other people he felt neglected from to explain the situation even though it made me feel like some annoying drama queen. The other people said those incidents did not click with them and perhaps is a misunderstanding. 

Eventually, I broke down after figuring out what they were saying behind my back. They made me seem like I was acting like I care to fill my own ego and was stealing away their friends. I thought I was fine throughout the month because I knew I shouldn't let this incident get to me. After opening up to my friends and hearing what I did was not my fault, I bawled. I'm so thankful for having honest friends who are willing to listen to me and say what's on their minds. I continued to cry because reality finally struck of how much effort I put into trying to help a person who I considered a friend to only get called a fake. 

I'm still in the midst of recovering from the situation and overwhelmed with guilt because of how strong my words could have potentially come off. Regardless, I still believe they are someone who is deserving of great friends in a healthy environment. They are not a bad person nor mean. They were simply having trouble with external issues and had difficulties coping with them. I genuinely hope they can recover from their struggles and seek the good they deserve.

On a brighter note, once finals ended, I was able to meet up with old dorm friends who I have not talked to for over a year. A part of me was a bit anxious but after we hanged out for Korean BBQ, I felt at ease. We even later went to Six Flags (which was pretty packed).

Here are some other notable things that I listed out for this month but am too lazy to write in detail:
- sharing baby photos and old vhs tapes with friends
- getting glossier skin care to find out their formulas are mostly scented
- rowena tsai's yt videos helped me cope with the big incident
- playing just dance as a fitness exercise and defeating my younger sister everytime (with one exception).
- ordering a purple iphone 12 online but it got stolen in the mail. got paranoid so i called every store of my phone carrier to see if they have the PURPLE iphone 12 in store. i didn't buy it from apple because their trade in deal was not as good as my phone carrier

Yep... That's what happened. So much has happened and I summarized it all or else my brain would burst. Hope June is full of fun and not as packed :p