見出し画像

I Am XD*LEVI.

leviern

Japanese is available here.

Spoilers for Genshin Impact's Version 4.2 Masquerade of the Guilty are included.

I would like to try to compile my thoughts as much as I can by memory, so sorry if the order or flow seems strange. I had planned to release this to the public a little after the KAC Finals.


Act 1: Arrival

September 20,2022
The day I had arrived in Japan. I was fortunate to have PHN!X and Shun help me out of the airport. I had never been on a train before, but we took the skyliner. One moment I was taking in the view of Japan for the first time, the next moment I had immediately been taken to Game Panic Akihabara. It was already quite an experience getting to see 8 Valkyrie Models in the same room. There wasn’t many people since Japan wasn’t open to tourism at the time, so it was an experience that I think won’t come by again, or at least, for a very long time, during that time period.

I stayed awake through the entire flight, and I was overloaded with emotion, but nothing in particular stood out. I just needed to get to my accommodation. I had no firsthand Japanese experience before deciding to move to Japan. Like I said, I took in the view of Japan for my first time, so that means this was the first time I have been in Japan.

Act 2: Acclimation

September 21,2022
I didn’t have a goal set for voltex. I came to Japan as a Japanese language student. My progress from konasute left a huge gap in comparison to starting to play on Valkyrie Model. I was 20.972VF, so I had a lot of catching up to do. The first step I wanted to take was to reclaim Imperial 3.

Shun took me to Mizonokuchi Game Immigrant. It was the place to stream at, so it naturally became my home game center. It was the start of building my consistency in a short amount of time. I had to Re-PUC many 19s, and just a few 20s for it to be enough to reach Imperial 3, so I treated it as a small challenge, a time race.

Around 7PM, CH, now known as KANEKO, went out of his way to come see me. The language barrier was strongly present, but we still had a good talk with each other for the first time. I didn't really know the players of Japan, so it was surprising to me that one of the strongest players came to me first. In a single friend matching session, he said it felt like KAC. I ended the day at 21.432VF.

Act 3: IMPERIAL FLOOR ARTIST

September 22,2022
Even if it was just for a brief moment, I met with seatrus for the first time at Game Panic Shinjuku Kabukicho in the evening and played a few matches with him. We were both Imperial 3 DTMers (computer music creators), so at the time, it was like being united with someone unlike anyone else. He told me he watched my videos, and I didn't know how to react, yet I was grateful. However, it made me think, "Even I have a Japanese audience?" I didn't believe I was that known to be honest. I didn't think anyone would know me. After playing a few more credits, I was at 21.490VF before leaving.

Act 4: Continuation

September 23,2022
I went back to Mizonokuchi Game Immigrant to resume my goal, and stream the progress. I decided to finally go for the 20s, and took down 2 20 PUCs with a couple more 19 PUCs. By the end of the day, I was at 21.779VF. I don't recall too much happening on this day. But, I've always enjoyed the view when I pass by Futako-tamagawa Station on the Den-en-toshi Line.

Act 5: Intermission

September 24,2022
I was still full of motivation to play voltex. I went back to Game Panic Akihabara. I was just blasting through the 19s I have yet to unlock, while one shot PUCing the other 18s in the blaster folder. It was still hard to figure out what my goal was other than reaching Imperial 3 once more, but I didn't want to make that much progress outside of stream time. It was my goal to try to get as much 19s and 20s PUCs on stream/video, and that the 18s didn't matter too much.

Act 6: Reawakening

September 25, 2022
I didn't have much time left if I wanted to complete my race to Imperial 3. Since I was going to Osaka the next day, I returned to Mizonokuchi Game Immigrant. Taking down 3 more 20 PUCs, I had enough 20 PUCs to hit Imperial 3. All I had to do was get the last remaining 19 PUCs. The 19s took up more time than the 20s did, and without knowing it, I played すべてが幻になった後で as the last 19 I needed to finish off my goal. I didn't plan on it, but the title of the song was like a coincidence when I finished my goal. I don't know the meaning of the song title, but I would say a close meaning would be "after everything became an illusion". My volforce was low compared to my true skill, so even if I had just reached 22VF, that number was still an illusion.

I ended up at 22.003VF just in time when the streaming reservation ended, and had shabu-shabu with Shun as celebration. He was always there for me to help with the stream setup and made sure to lift my spirits up. With having my goal completed, I wasn't done, but I didn't know what I was going to do afterwards. Though I didn't decide on it on the day of, I would say that the next goal that came to me was to PUC all the 18s as practice for KAC. I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to participate in the next KAC.

"Maybe this is fine. I just need to keep going…"

Act 7: Osaka

September 26,2022
I had not been in Japan for that long but I wanted to meet up with potesatsu (XD*POTE.). I would have to take the bullet train alone, and while I had thought that traveling the long distance while in a foreign country is scary, it was necessary to meet up with potesatsu. My Japanese language school class was going to start on October 3rd, so I didn't have much free time left for traveling. I went through with my plan and left Tokyo Station to Shin-Osaka Station.

Upon arriving at the station, I was lost at first, and didn't know where to meet with potesatsu. Eventually, we met up and then walked around the streets to look for his other friends. During the evening, we had a meal together, and stopped by Round 1 Sennichimae after to have a few arena matches. To my surprise, I PUC'd ピアノ独奏無言歌 "灰燼" for my first time. It was getting late, so as I was going back to my hotel, potesatsu told me that we will be doing a stream tomorrow, so I rested up looking forward to it.

Act 8: The US's top player has come to Osaka so we'll do something together!!

September 27, 2022
I got up earlier than the time we had planned to meet, so I decided to go to Round 1 Umeda. I killed some time by going through the 19 folder and PUCing a few. By night time, I was taken to potesatsu’s usual streaming location, and we did some preparations. He took me to an Okonomiyaki restaurant after preparations were done. It was my first time having Okonomiyaki, and it was really good. I had to learn his strange dialect, but it was fun. I ended up getting 4 more 20 PUCs on me and potesatsu’s collab stream.

Act 31: You Are My Best RivaL!!

October 20, 2022
I was on my way to Mizonokuchi Game Immigrant in the evening as usual, as I just finished class. It seemed that there was a problem with the train lines, and there was a lot of people standing around, waiting to use the ticket gate again. After standing around for what felt longer than it actually was, I was finally able to get on the express train. But, it was really crowded. I have been on crowded trains before I had thought, but this was my first memory of a crowded train to the point where I couldn't freely move. As I thought I was going to make it in time for my stream reservation, the train stopped at the station before I needed to arrive at.

I was pretty scared, because I haven't encountered this situation before. I couldn't tell if it was my Japanese language proficiency that made me fail to understand what was going on, or if I was too anxious to be able to comprehend. As we were told to exit the train, the other passengers were calling a taxi to get to their final destination. I certainly didn't want to do that, as I stood there for about 10 minutes not having a clue of what's going to happen, same as the other passengers. 2 trains passed by that were out of service, and by the time the 3rd out of service train came by, it switched it's destination to Mizonokuchi Station.

I started the stream after changing my reservation time to 20:30. It took me about 90 minutes to unlock You Are My Best RivaL!!. It wasn't my sightread, but in one try, I got an S with a score of 9906969. 20 minutes later, I got a UC with 3 nears. I grinded it for another 10 minutes, and had a 1 error run. The run after that, a 1 near run. It felt doable, and after another 20 minutes, the PUC run came. I didn't believe that I just accomplished the first PUC for a level 20. It even took less than an hour from the time I had unlocked it. During that point in time, I was too excited and confused for what I should've done next. It was pretty close to the time where the last train runs, but I missed it. I took the taxi home, and the lesson I learned was to never take a taxi again because it costed me 10000 yen.

Act 33: Crossdressing

October 22,2022
I had started crossdressing with Jirai Kei clothing. Every time I walked to Game Panic Shinjuku Kabukicho, I also passed by a store that sells Jirai Kei clothing. I always had an interest for trying on women’s fashion. I don’t know if it’s because it looks better, or if I had little interest for men’s fashion. Coincidentally, men’s clothing doesn’t fit most of the time on me, even if it’s S size. I always fit in women’s clothing without measuring myself.

From this point in the writing, I decided to disrupt the flow and talk more about my current thoughts and experience about this topic, rather than what happened on specific days in chronological order. In the time span of a year, I was able to express myself with the clothes that I have wanted to wear, without once feeling uncomfortable. Many people would ask if I have gender dysphoria, but I'm just a man that looks different than most. I crossdress because I have the opportunity to do so without many problems, and so I took it. If you want another reason for why I crossdress, I personally find it amusing if I successfully deceive people into thinking I was a woman.

It was definitely one of the most experimental time periods of my life. I gained a lot of experience and knowledge as a result of it, and probably eradicated any social anxiety I ever thought I had. But, I think freedom is the main reason I seized the opportunity. I can freely do what I wanted, even in the public eye. I can't quite say the same if I were in America.

February 12, 2023
February 16, 2023
March 19, 2023

Act 61: New Me

November 19, 2022
I wanted to get my hair dyed for the first time, but I didn’t know the process at all. I wanted to achieve white colored hair with a mix of mint green. It was at that moment I didn't realize how much of an interest I had with hair care, hair styling, and hair dyeing. Before I knew it, it became an expensive hobby. I've had dyed hair for a year now, and experimented with many colors such as half green half pink in February, and during March, rainbow gradient with white hair and mint green as the front. I feel my hair also complements the clothes I wear as well. Nowadays I visit Harajuku often to get my hair done.

February 6, 2023
March 18, 2023

Act 64: WANIROU

November 22,2022
PHN!X invited me to a gathering right outside of TAITO STATION Shinjuku South Exit GAME WORLD. I was wondering why we were having a drinking party on a weekday, but it was because it was a holiday. WANIROU and NORI arrived shortly, and it was my first time meeting them in person. WANIROU is quite tall isn't he. We all had yakitori together and talked a few times, but I think it was until later on we talked way more.

Act 76: 20th Birthday

December 4,2022
Every year, this special day comes and yet, I pay little to no attention to it. To my surprise, EmoCosine had some spare time to spend in Shinjuku, so we decided to do something together. He took me to a ramen shop that is supposably popular, but I had no knowledge of good ramen shops at the time. He treated me out to dinner, then we played a few games at Game Panic Shinjuku Kabukicho since it was nearby. Even if it sounds like a simple weekend, I still remember it to this day.

Act 112: Coming of Age

2023 January 9
I got an invitation in my mailbox to a coming of age ceremony when I used to live in Itabashi city. I thought it was strange at first, since I'm not Japanese. I went to the ceremony because I thought to myself, this opportunity will never come again in my lifetime.

As I was walking through the cramped streets in the morning, the amount of people going in the same direction was increasing. I wasn't prepared for the ceremony at all dress code wise, and before I knew it, I ended up in a gymnasium where the ceremony took place. There were many chairs with name cards placed on top, so I was able to find where to sit myself down. It really felt like I got taken to a different world, being placed in a Japanese school that I've never been in before, except no one was able to speak english. Everyone was staring at me for sure, and this was one of my first early memories of feeling like I didn't belong at all.

After the ceremony ended, everyone gathered in their friend groups outside. I decided to walk up to some of the groups and have some small chat. It is definitely easier said than done when people tell you to go try making Japanese friends. I was able to exchange Instagrams with some people, and we even took pictures together. The one question I was asked a lot which I find funny is how old I was, but everyone is the same age at the ceremony.

Act 146: CH vs. いまきみに

February 12,2023
The weekend came, and usually everyone comes to Akihabara to meet up. I quite enjoy the atmosphere, voltex players meeting up every weekend. Walking around and chatting, even with players that live far away yet decide to come to Akihabara.

KANEKO was planning on PUCing いまきみに today on his stream, and it was approaching the streaming reservation time at Game Panic Akihabara. We were all playing a few credits, and after I finished mine, I happened to see KANEKO playing いまきみに already. He wasn't on the stream cab, and I saw 2ND TRACK. He must be practicing right? Well, you never know. I started recording with my phone anyway because you really never know with these things, and so I was right. He got the PUC before he even started streaming.

Well, he was able to Re-PUC it again on stream, so I'll also include the link. It was nice being able to see a 20 PUC'd in front of me, because all I've known to do is PUC 20s by myself. It was from this point on that I decided I want to see and support other players try to PUC 20s if they decide to call me.

Act 199: seatrus vs. Lachryma《Re:Queen’M》

April 6, 2023
The week before, seatrus happened to ask if I was going to be at Game Immigrant Mizonokuchi. Later on, we met up and it looked like he was trying to PUC Lachryma, and he was pretty close. It was getting late to the point where I needed to catch my last train, and his last train is later than mine, so I wouldn't have been able to see if he got it or not.

Right as I got out of class today, I messaged seatrus to confirm if he was going to stream his Lachryma PUC attempt at Silk Hat Hachiōji. He said if I came, then he would be able to PUC, and so I made my way to the place. He took a break for 10 minutes at one point, but seatrus had spent about an hour playing Lachryma. I didn't know how to cheer him on too much, but I let him know that he can do it. I felt like I wasn't doing much by just standing there, but I think just by doing that is enough for him.

I was getting really drowsy, so I went to go sit down at a spot that was close enough where I could still see. I wanted to get the PUC recording on my phone, but I didn't have to wait too long for it to happen. I think the stream will explain what happened better than I can with my own words. I was really glad I could witness the moment.

Act 211: Lachryma《Re:Queen’M》 Random PUC

April 18, 2023
I don't have much to say about this topic. This is one of the stupidest things I've done for sure. I can't say it's not one of my most impressive things I've accomplished either. I think one day or another, I was going to pull it off because I never got tired of trying it. It was fun dealing with the different random patterns, and it's not like it was impossible. Before I knew it, I accidentally became famous because of it. A lot of overseas players recognize me or know of me just because of this.

"I don't know if it's too early to upload a video, maybe  PUC is possible"
"Seriously? Well, okay"
"I'll just give you this video lol"

Act 270: Fukuoka

June 16, 2023
Me and WANIROU had planned this flight beforehand to come and participate in NextStage2. I wanted to take the opportunity to go and explore Fukuoka for my first time, so I asked WANIROU to come along as well. It felt like traveling the world with your best friend, but this was my first time doing that as well.

The food from Fukuoka was really good as well!

Act 271: SOUND VOLTEX NextStage2

June 17, 2023
I've had matches with MURAKAMI before in arena, but not in a 1v1. I was scared at first, since I didn't know how I was going to do on the tiebreaker song when we both won our own picks. My reaction was pure joy and relief when I won the tiebreaker.

After the tournament was over, we all had a party together with the event staff, the commentators, and the rest of the players. I've talked about this before, so I'll quote my thoughts about the event.

I would like to say that I am very happy, but not because I won. I traveled far and wide to compete against strong players. 8 months ago I didn't even know any of them, and now we are having dinner together like this. I will cherish these memories. Thank you for all your support!

https://twitter.com/levi_leviern/status/1670022885916958720

Act 299: Daisycutter S-PUC

July 15, 2023
I felt the mental pain starting to creep up on me. I failed my S-PUC attempt of Daisycutter on June 24th with 1 knob error. It was the latest goal I had set for myself, so I focused on it for a good while. On July 3rd, I had a collab stream with Neardayo on the same day, and I can't tell you how many times I've collaborated with Neardayo, it's always fun. During the stream, I felt confident about S-PUCing Daisycutter, and I thought it would've been cool if I did it on the collab stream, but I ended up with 1 crit. That haunted me, having MAX-1 on Daisycutter.

I didn't try again until 2 weeks later. In the meantime, I made a trip to Osaka to go see potesatsu again. I've always enjoyed the Kansai area, so I looked forward to visiting every single time. We also decided to do a collab stream on July 8th, but towards the end, I wanted to see if I could make any progress with Bl∞min'. It felt promising at first, but it crumbled as it went on. I  wanted to push those two goals simultaneously, but it was too much. I really wanted to push hard on Bl∞min' the next day. But, I was blinded and didn't even notice how physically tired I was. I had to stop after an hour. I remember a long time ago that Bl∞min' was the only 20 I didn't have PUC'd yet, and potesatsu wanted to see me do it in person. I'm sorry I wasn't able to do it.

After not playing Daisycutter for a week, I came back to it again the week after Osaka. At first, I wasn't going for S-PUC, but I wanted to make a video for Daisycutter on mirror. It took me 20 minutes from learning how to play Daisycutter on mirror to PUCing it. The next 20 minutes turned into what felt like an eternity, which was the S-PUC runs. The reaction I gave off is what I can only describe as no longer being in torment.

"I feel utterly exhausted. Best to rest early today, too."

Act 307: Anguish

July 23, 2023
I think this day was the last time I decided on attempting to PUC Bl∞min'. Even in past streams, it was very visible that I would start to feel down as I was still streaming. This time's stream, I had spent about 145 minutes on Bl∞min' in Premium Time without a single break. It's a very numbing experience that I wouldn't want anyone else to go through.

I tired myself out, both physically and mentally. While on my way home, I couldn't help but feel terrible the entire time on the train. I had started questioning if what I was doing was even worth it. Would it matter to anyone if I had suddenly quit this game? Why am I still doing this? I wanted to be free from this neverending cycle of torment. I was in so much pain that I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to reunite with my family again after being alone for longer than I had imagined.

That alone left me broken. This day alone singlehandedly broke me into tears for the first time in what has felt like an eternity. I quickly became aware of my surroundings and couldn't stop thinking that I was crying on the train. I witnessed a stranger on the train crying once before, but no one helped them. This wasn't an exception for me either, as I let the tears fall for some time.

"So interminable… so lonely… Just how much longer…"

"I never imagined that it would hurt so much…"

Her tears
るれぷ

"Have I… reached my limit? No, perhaps I reached it long ago."

"I want to tell someone, anyone, about this…"

My tears
るれぷ

Act 398: Protest

October 22, 2023
I was spending a sunday afternoon with WANIROU to go take pictures. During our lunch, I wasn't aware that we had to take our own videos of the protest until WANIROU told me. I asked PENTA (PNT*EEB) if he had some free time, and it was like fate that he was able to help me at that exact moment. I could say that I made it to the BPL Draft thanks to these two for helping me out.

Act 417: Assassin from a Foreign Country

November 10, 2023
I actually wasn't expecting the BPL announcement to come on the same day I planned to have a matching session with MINI. It caught me off guard for sure, because my chat was flooded with telling me congratulations. I guess the world could finally see now, that I was for sure entering for BPL.

Act 425: BEMANI PRO LEAGUE -SEASON 3- SOUND VOLTEX Draft Meeting

November 18, 2023
I was pretty nervous, as this was the most important day of my life by far. I was wearing my hat and glasses, and although I wasn't told to take it off, it felt like I was the spotlight by being the only person wearing such accessories. I watched as the livestream started, and I got nervous at first, but the nervousness started to calm down again for a bit.

I was already predicting what my chances were going to be if I were to get 1st picked.  Going down all the teams, I stared directly at SUPERNOVA Tohoku, and 7C was revealed. At that split second I thought to myself, will it be? And right after that, I was picked by TAITO STATION Tradz. I had to wait just a little longer for all the teams to finish. It caught me by surprise that all the teams with their 1st picks from last season were all locked in.

I watched as 7C got interviewed, and I knew that I was next. Still, it all happened too fast. I was trying my hardest to keep my composure while answering the questions as best as I could. I didn't fully understand what I was being asked, so I gave my best answer for what I had assumed I had heard correctly. Before the interview was ending, I was compared to KKM* for this season's BPL, and they were asking me if I was going to destroy this season. I misinterpreted it for being scary at first, but as soon as it got reworded to "can you be just like BREAKER?", I got the confidence to say that without a doubt, I will become the breaker.

Act 432: KAC Finals

November 25, 2023
The day had finally come, and it was another important day. I think many people were expecting me to win this year’s KAC. With such high volforce, there is no doubt, right? Well, volforce doesn’t matter if your condition isn’t at your best on that day. I unfortunately caught a cold 2 days before the event. If it looked like I was in good spirits and not ill, then I was putting on an act. I had successfully deceived you, and I can’t help but feel like I should say that I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the mood, so I kept it a secret until after the event was over.

I had already accepted my fate early on that my chances of winning were low. I didn’t want to disappoint, I wanted the crowd to have fun and witness what any other player would not dare to pick in the finals. I picked SuddeИDeath against misobi. It felt bittersweet, as if it was my sudden death. I was surprised when misobi won against me on my own pick. He is my BPL teammate, and I am proud to have him alongside.

bemanistyle

The crowd seemed to be excited when I announced my pick, and what I had hoped I wanted to accomplish had surely happened I thought. Afterwards, I enjoyed watching the rest of the matches, and everyone put up a good fight. When it was finally over, many friends I had not seen in a long time gathered in groups to come see me as I left my seat. I asked if what I had done was worth it, and they told me it was a good and cool match. That helped me confirmed even more that I had accomplished what I had hoped. Me and misobi showed what we are capable of with our high level of gameplay, and so I was relieved. Even when I couldn't physically do much, I envisioned the performance that I had wanted to show.

Envisioned Performance
Illust: るれぷ

However, I wasn’t done. I still had a show to perform at Tradz MANIA in アミューズメントエキスポ.

【アミューズメントエキスポ2023】タイトーブースステージからLIVE中継

Perhaps it was also my own fault, because I don't think I really practiced for KAC. My main focus was BPL, and I had been pushing really hard on it recently. Though I had fun during the moment, I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to cry by the end of the day. Despite my poor physical health, it was helpless. I talked about this situation with a friend, and their reply summarizes how I felt when I couldn't find my own words.


This is the dream stage that every sdvx player wish that they could stand on , so I’m fully aware of the importance to you and feel sad for you.

The day still wasn't over, as I was invited to a party to celebrate the victory of KANEKO, and KN5's runner-up.

The two I've known from the start

Act 433: CONNECT2

November 26, 2023
WANIROU invited me and MURAKAMI to CONNECT2, so we went there together. At first, I wasn’t sure if I should go since I felt like I didn’t know too much about IIDX. On the other hand, I guess it was okay since I am a TAITO STATION Tradz player afterall.

#connect2 #Tradz
#connect2 #Tradz

To finish off the evening, we headed off to have a dinner party and celebrate CONNECT2. I had the opportunity to chat and get along with some people I wasn't too familiar with just yet. I talked with TATSU and DOLCE. and they told me that they both supported me, congratulated me for becoming a BPL player, and told me good luck with BPL. After the dinner reservation time was over, everyone gathered outside to talk more before going home. I talked with RAG OJI as well, and he also gave me his support. I had been watching all 3 of their videos ever since I started high school, and I came to Japan feeling like it wasn't long ago that I graduated from high school. This night alone had easily become a memory that I will never be able to forget.

Act 440: Birthday

December 4th, 2023
This special day comes yet again, every year. Unfortunately, from the start of December up until now, I've been dealing with a second cold. I was streaming on November 29th and noticed I was already getting pretty tired despite not streaming for too long. I still wanted to push until the end of my stream reservation's time since it seemed like I was making good progress, and it was also showing.

As soon as I ended the stream, my body was a lot weaker and heavier than I remembered. I went home to get some rest but I woke up the next day with a terrible headache, a sore throat that felt like a fresh cut, and being in pain wherever I walk. From December 1st up until today I've been trying my best not to delay, because I really wanted to publish this up like I promised. I've always seen S2 SDVX BPL players posting their note during the season, and I guess I was also influenced by that. This is my own version.

And finally, I have turned 21. I want to thank you for reading my first piece of work I've typed up. I seriously didn't expect it to contain nearly 30,000 characters. It's because of your support that I chose to do this, because I figured people were curious about me or my thoughts, especially when I don't share it often.

The last thing I want to say is to check up on your friends that you care about, because you may not know what they're going through.


この記事が気に入ったらサポートをしてみませんか？