"Refusing to Work for a Black Company" - A Young Man's Choice of Three Years of 'Active Withdrawal' after Graduation. What is the Path to Reintegration into Society?

In a certain country overseas, where finding employment after university graduation often means difficult or low-paying labor, the phenomenon of "hikikomori" — young people withdrawing into their homes — has become a social issue. One man actively chose to withdraw from job-seeking for three years. What was the turning point that helped him recover? I spoke to him to learn how he achieved independence, found work, and rebuilt his life living on his own.

"The Prodigy”He was said when he was childhood Years

During his childhood, he lived like any other child but gained attention from teachers due to his excellent academic performance at school.

"When I was a child, I often played with toy guns and spent time with neighborhood friends. There weren't any particular problems, but I felt like something was missing. During elementary school, I maintained top grades for 8 years. One person who left a strong impression on me was a certain math teacher. She was a regular math teacher during class, but after school, she helped with math contest preparations and offered extra support. I often advanced to the next stage in contests and even had one-on-one study sessions with her. Studying math with her was truly enjoyable. Thanks to her, the elementary school teachers always recognized my intelligence, especially in mathematics."

Tired of parents ``punishing you if your grades are bad''

During his elementary school years, he was noticed and praised for his intelligence by parents and teachers alike. It seemed as though a bright future awaited him if things continued this way. However, things began to change gradually after he entered high school.

"Entering high school brought increased academic challenges, but my grades were decent. I didn't pay much attention to whether my report card showed 4's or 5's, but when I was in my second year of high school, my parents started interfering with my grades. They began imposing punishments like restricting my game time when my grades weren't good, which led to more arguments between us. By the time I was in my third year of high school, the stress had reached its peak.

Despite this situation, being able to attend a prestigious university was a significant achievement for me. However, at the same time, I realized that grades weren't as important as I thought. In fact, there were classes where you wouldn't get penalized for not attending, so I enjoyed a more relaxed university life."

Breaking away from a long-standing complex

He was a gifted student from childhood, excelling in academics. How was his interaction with friends?

"Although I was never bullied at school, I've always had an introverted personality and wasn't the type to actively join in with friends. That changed when I was 18. The turning point was when I got my braces off, which I'd had since around age 14. Getting rid of that teeth complex boosted my confidence and gradually made me more sociable. I started going to parties and drinking alcohol. My approach to girls also changed. I used to have no luck with them, but in the latter half of high school, things started changing, and I began to attract girls and started having girlfriends more frequently."

“I don’t want to work for a black company.”

After graduating from university, many students go through job hunting and eventually join various companies to work. However, he says he didn't even engage in job hunting.

"In the country where I live, there are many what you'd call 'black companies' like in Japan, where they make you work long hours for low pay. I had no intention of purposely joining such companies after graduating from university. In reality, after graduating, I mostly stayed at home doing almost nothing, occasionally doing small part-time jobs. Fortunately, even while being a shut-in at home, I had friends and a girlfriend, and when I went out with them, my parents would give me money."

His parents might have thought that it would be easier to reintegrate into society by interacting with friends and a girlfriend outside rather than staying shut in at home. Meanwhile, what did he spend his days doing at home without a job?

"Every day, I simply had a lot of time, so I spent it watching movies I liked, reading books, playing video games, and learning new things. Looking back now, I think this time was extremely valuable in my life. By engaging with books, movies, and games, I was able to delve deeply into things, learn about connections and relationships.

Thanks to this time, I gained more specialized knowledge and my way of thinking deepened compared to others my age. Ordinary people don't have enough time for this. I found ways to enjoy my life.

While I was shut in, I had friends and a girlfriend, but sometimes I felt lonely. There were also times when I didn't know how to move forward in my life and felt despair. However, amidst my shut-in life, I was able to find happiness in enjoying my alone time."

Escape from hikikomori. The reason...

What was the catalyst that changed his shut-in lifestyle after about 3 years?

"After my younger brother moved out for employment reasons, I decided to move with him and start living together. Our family home was not very comfortable with just our parents and grandmother remaining there. When I suggested the move to my brother, he agreed immediately. However, I didn't want to be dependent on my brother, so I decided to find a job quickly. I found work teaching English online, but initially, the income was not enough, so my brother mostly supported me financially. After a year, my brother had to relocate to another city due to work, so I decided to return to our family home."

"After my brother and I moved out, our parents divorced and left the family home. Our grandmother remained alone in the house, but we had little interaction with her since childhood and were not involved in her affairs. There were times when I felt lonely, but it also felt relaxed, like living on my own. Most importantly, living at home meant no rent expenses, so I was able to save money."

The fear of teaching students who are good at English

"By the way, after spending three years as a recluse, he started working as an English teacher. How did his first job go?

"Since my school days, I had been teaching my friends, so teaching English itself wasn't much of a problem. However, being introverted, I wasn't good at talking to new students. Additionally, the students' English levels varied greatly. I had to cover a wide range of topics, including grammar, pronunciation, and discussions using news materials. Some students were even better at English than me, which honestly made me feel anxious and somewhat fearful."

Dramatically improve your English skills in a few months

At that time, he mentioned that although he was good at English speaking, his listening and reading skills were not yet at a high level. However, teaching English to students led him to relearn English himself, and this experience greatly contributed to his improvement in English proficiency.

"After teaching English for a few months, my own English level improved, giving me confidence, and my teaching methods also improved significantly. As I got more used to the job, I started thinking about how to earn higher evaluations from students, how to attract new students, and strategies to increase my income.

"This job is truly rewarding, and I enjoy fulfilling days every day. Initially, I focused on teaching beginners in English, but now, after five years, I enjoy conversing with intermediate and advanced English students. Conversing with students is very enjoyable, stimulating my intellectual curiosity, and making work feel even more enjoyable."

Real friends and online students

He spoke about how working as an English instructor not only improved his English proficiency but also brought fulfillment to his daily life. This experience has led to a shift in his perspective on life.

"Gradually, but steadily, I've become more positive about life. During my student days and the period of withdrawal, I always approached things with a sense of detachment and found little joy in life. I had a negative attitude towards my own life. Back then, I would occasionally play basketball or hang out at clubs with friends, but our activities were mostly superficial, and we rarely engaged in deep conversations. So, I honestly questioned how well I really knew those friends."

What greatly influenced his state of mind may have been the ability to build trusting relationships with students through teaching English. As a child, his high intelligence often made it difficult for him to connect with other children, leading to feelings of loneliness. Additionally, he may have felt overlooked by adults who only focused on his outstanding academic performance, without truly seeing him for who he was.

A place to enjoy connections and interactions with people

”When teaching English online, the focus is on conversation, which makes it easier to concentrate on students' stories and sometimes fosters stronger connections with them compared to real-life friendships. I used to find small talk boring, but I came to understand its importance as a foundation for deep connections and discussions. Now, I prioritize not just my students' English proficiency but also their ability to relax and enjoy conversations in my class, aiming for them to lead happier lives ahead.”

”I believe that online English teaching serves not only as a platform for learning English but also as a space for connecting and interacting with others. After work, chatting in English with like-minded people from around the world not only helps improve English skills but also provides a release from work stress. Moreover, it may serve as a means to alleviate feelings of loneliness. It's affordable and flexible, making it accessible even for busy individuals.”

Because he fully understands the feelings of frustration and loneliness he experienced during his student days and while being a shut-in, he may have a unique perspective on these issues.

A simple and satisfying life

He used to harbor dark feelings about life, but since starting his job as an English instructor, he genuinely enjoys his work and leads fulfilling days.

"I feel like my life is heading in the direction I wanted recently. I'm living on my own, away from home, in a comfortable and free environment. I can cover my living expenses well. I don't have to be tied down by routines like waking up early, showering, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and commuting. Every day, I enjoy interacting with various students from the comfort of my home. It's such a great job to earn money doing what I love.
The income is sufficient, and I lead a simple yet comfortable life. I don't have many desires or indulge in luxuries. What's important is being content with this job and having the freedom to live as I want. I may think of myself as lazy, but nothing is more important than enjoying each day."

How to spend your “retirement time”

I have met many talented individuals in my career as a writer, but he stands out as one of the gifted ones. During his period of "active hikikomori," he prioritized self-growth and learning. He acquired various knowledge at home, with a particular focus on enhancing his thinking, analytical skills, observation, and critical thinking abilities. This experience polished his capabilities, which are now greatly utilized in his work environment.
When his younger brother became independent, he started looking for work. His teaching style emphasizes achieving maximum results with minimal effort, earning him high praise and trust from students. His life has changed significantly after the period of "active hikikomori." Could it be that his time of self-exploration and learning has led to his current success?