“How to Prove ‘I am enough as a man’ ordinarily”

From the perspective of trans communities in Japan,  
a transmasc person who falls in love with women is considered straight,  
not lesbian.  

However, there isn’t a term for "dyke."  
I love dyke as a human,
but I am sorry,
not as a girlfriend.
So, in Canada, I identify as a dyke  
and debuted as part of "Dykes on Bikes"  
at the Pride March last week.  

But I'm still looking for a man,  
maybe a cis man,  
who could educate me in my experience as a man.  
I can't fall in love with a man,
same as with a woman,
but they can heal me in ways  
that women cannot.  

I feel somewhat awkward  
when women treat me as a man,  
and their affection for me as a transmasc person  
sometimes makes me feel so bad.  

However, when men treat me the same as them,  
I feel empowered.  
That’s why I've constantly studied or worked with them  
as the only woman or non-binary person  
throughout my life,  

It’s based on my recent understanding.  

Of course,  
I always need someone special as a girlfriend.

But also I feel like it’s a usual way to prove they are men, for ordinary men.  

I apologize for my binary, sexist analysis.