“Everyday life in my place”

I started slam essay writing since the day before yesterday. This is the third.

“Everyday life in my place”

Even after coming to Canada, I had too many frenemies both here and in Japan, and lost everything because I didn’t know who they were. I always gave too much, and it was very easy for people to take advantage of me. I didn’t doubt people for a long time and lived in confusion. I started to understand that some people are not trustworthy. I have no idea who is trustworthy or not, and people easily used my confusion to treat me badly.

I lost almost all my strength to trust. My queer roommates have slowly taught me that the world is not like that, even if we had lived in such untrustworthy relationships for a long time.

This is my second time living in a real queer housing situation. My roommates there usually don’t express that they are bothered by my bad English. Of course, sometimes they can’t understand me, but there are no other issues. Without them, I was treated quite differently from those who speak fluently or are native speakers, often encountering frustration with my English and avoidance in conversation. If I feel nervous or agitated, my English breaks down even more.

So, in my everyday life at home, I find it hard to relax. While I do have moments of relaxation, I often feel somewhat fearful at the same time. Growing up in an abusive family, I've grown accustomed to these feelings, but I often find myself confused about what's happening in my daily life.