beauty of a mundane monday + ferocity and doors slightly ajar

today was a completely ordinary day, but somehow all the mundane details of life felt perfectly comforting. the hard labor of saturday and sunday’s house cleaning reaped its rewards today, the monday with fresh kitchen sink, pristine floors, spotless kitchen table to work at, a bathroom that smelled of flowers, dust free white bookshelf that doubles as desk in front of the large sunny living room window. 

the night air smells like floral, or maybe its my face cream after my evening skincare refresh routine. either way, it makes me feel so peaceful. 

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(( the next morning ))

start the morning with a shower, hawaiian hair oil serum, light skincare. a creamy latte from a (finally) decently stocked fridge. 

taste :: verve coffee roasters’ “aster” with notes of nectarine, key lime, and brown sugar. made of ethiopian beans, which makes me want to roast my own ethiopian coffee beans again. I love the beautiful scent it gives my home. this morning I was just thinking how grateful I am to own my own espresso machine, it has always been a small dream of mine to do so. 

sound :: ahmad jamal trio at the pershing on electric blue vinyl. pairs well with the cloudy skies. 

scent :: a blend of muji essential oils, hudson yards and quiet orchard in the front of the house, cedarwood in the atelier.

thoughts ::

overall, I have been doing… okay? there are some moments that were tougher than others, but I was able to refresh by taking a stroll in the forest of altadena yesterday and visiting the waterfall. I also went climbing and it felt lovely to move my body, get in the sun on a saturday picnic at la state historic park. home is very cozy these days. recorded a deeply personal interview about my artistic work yesterday.

it is wild to me that this year is exactly at the halfway point. I think back on what I accomplished this past year, and in many ways it is a lot to be proud of, but how to describe it… it feels the pace of the year has been lighting fast and snail paced at the same time. every night I close my eyes and every morning my eyes open and it feels like a continuation, that not much has changed or shifted, a sense of expectation that things will continue to go on as they have been. a sense of tranquility. there have been moments that were surprising, but compared to my youth these moments seem less drastically life-altering. perhaps it is that I am now more consciously (and subconsciously) choosing stability, comfort, and peace rather than challenging situations. it seems I have a much more laissez-faire attitude towards life compared to my much more ambitious youth. but I suppose I have experienced and accomplished a lot, learned from those experiences, allowed them to shape my course into the future. I am nearing thirty relatively soon. and close to the finish line of my required professional education. it feels that a new era will open up soon. 

it feels as if there are certain life-path altering doors that have been pushed slightly ajar for me to take a peek inside, and the slight view I have caught a glance of is intriguing enough, but that I am at a point in my life where I feel I don’t know what’s best for me or an initiative to truly chase something with ferocity, because I believe that whatever is meant for me will be designed by Allah (swt) to arrive at the right place and time in my life. 

sometimes, though, the world feels like it ought to function a certain way, but that it doesn’t pan out as expected. I haven’t really been spending too much time thinking about this instances, rather I have been chalking it up to “this was not the right place, time, or opportunity.” but a tiny part of me wonders if I have become to complacent, and that my lack of ferocity is playing a role in things not panning out. although to be honest, if I really take a look at the past, I have chased things with ferocity, to my utmost ability. each time. although it’s always cutting it close, I don’t half ass things. I go all the way.

so then it must be by god’s design. and a reminder that it is about the process, about building character and work ethic, that all those intense periods of ferocity amount to much more than meets the eye, they are prototypes and experimentation of expanding ones’ thinking and boundaries, regardless of if they are implemented in the real world or not. it is humbling to remember even those that are considered “masters” in whatever artistic field also have several ideas and projects that were not implemented because they were too avante garde at the time. but looking back at these ideas from the standpoint of the future, they are the exact kind of innovative ideas we need. 

this is the belief I hope to continue embodying in my efforts. that if it is not meant for this world at this time, it will be of importance in another time or place, such as the future.