overcoming stagnation with patience

recently, I have been working and working and working to prepare for my upcoming licensing exam. in addition to the long days of studying, I have been trying to keep up with other work projects. two days ago, I had a sinking feeling in my heart when I took a practice exam and got the same exact score as I did two weeks ago. I felt devastated, because it felt like those two weeks of pushing myself meant nothing. it made me question my abilities, and put me into a panic mode because delaying the exam would mean having to rearrange my entire schedule for the summer. 

I was in a kind of “crisis” mode and swiftly made arrangements to see if it was possible to push things back. thankfully, it is and the consequences of pushing my exam date back are not so severe as I initially thought. this is a quality in myself that I am thankful for, that even under this kind of chaotic condition, I can stay somewhat calm and attempt to logically find the best way forward, to do what I need to do in order to succeed. 

after spending the evening doing that, I spent the next day sleeping in and just recovering. I decided to try and not think about the situation at all as a way of accepting it, and to instead focus on other things in my life that were going well, actually more than that, that are developing in beautifully unexpected ways, and it helped me feel alive again. I attended a meeting with someone who I had been hoping to cross paths with for a while, and an exciting opportunity opened up to collaborate with this person in the future. a new avenue that leads directly into the kind of lifestyle and career that I would like to create for myself and co-create with others. 

something I have been learning through my fellowship recently is how to bring the concept of yin and yang, of co-existent good and bad, decay and rebirth, into my mindset. it is rare that every domain of my life can be “perfect” at once. instead, there will be positive and negative, and actually, the negative is just a challenge, and opportunity to grow, which turns into a positive down the line. 

when I reflect on what this opportunity and challenge is for me this time, I believe it is patience. overall, I had actually only been having a purely “dedicated” exam study period for two weeks, whereas my classmates had taken 6 weeks before taking their exams. I had only gone through less than half of the practice questions at this point but still reached a solid baseline score not too far off from where I need to be to pass the exam, which is actually pretty good. it means that if I finish the remaining sixty percent of practice questions, I will certainly be at passing range. therefore, it is not so much a matter of ability or intellect, but patience and perseverance, consistency to just complete what needs to be completed in order to succeed. sometimes I am tempted to take shortcuts, but at times there are no shortcuts available. when I step back and think about it, I am lucky that I don’t think I have had many challenges in my academics or career up to this point. in fact I have been very very fortunate. so in that grand scheme of things, it will be good for me to go through some challenge and minor setbacks so that I can improve my work ethic, patience, and character; all are things that will support me in the future. 

and with that mindset shift, I now feel refreshed and ready to tackle this challenge again. inshallah this time around, I will be given the grace of patience and endurance.