morning gratitude

the weather is mellowing out. I had time for a little coffee pitstop in the garden cafe near my house on the way to work this morning. my favorite barista is working today and it was nice to see him. there is a fig tree in front of me, and it smells delicious in the fresh morning air, like dew. this latte is creaaaamy. 

social media is interesting, it gives you glimpse of different lives, but at the same time gives you a tired feeling. I decided to delete it again after just having it for two days. 

recently I have been coming to terms more with part of my indian heritage. I shied away from it for a long time because I felt I was bullied for it when I was younger, and perhaps I also just didn’t identify with a lot of it. but I’m viewing it now as a source of cultural knowledge and wisdom I can draw upon selectively, as I see fit. 

somehow both falling asleep yesterday and waking up this morning I have a drastic feeling inside my body, as if I am moving through the motions of life, and a strong fear that I am not living in alignment - I wish to spend more time with family, nostalgia for childhood and where I grew up, a thirst for adventure, a sense of uncertainty about who I am, how far I’ve come, or why and how my life has become so different. although, I do still enjoy it, its just different. but I remember to myself that I can be more open minded and excited about it, because I get to try new experiences, meeting different kinds of people and helping them how I can. I guess besides that, I feel a yearning to put my own life desires first and forefront again. 

In due time… just another month. in due time. I want to make music and paint and swim in the river and see my friends and go new places.