finding will through grey skies

hello, I am tired. part of me looks skeptically at the situation and thinks, “you know, I’m not really burnt out, maybe I am just being lazy or weak.” but after days of sleeping and trying to overcome this feeling, I think it is really true. it didn’t help that the skies were covered in a thick blanket of grey this entire past week (and currently as I write this). 

on one hand, it is cozy, I enjoy the gentle fresh air and muted sounds under the clouds, but if things carry on like this for too long, it feels I lose track of time, my sense of self, abilities, and purpose. 

I found so much inspiration in new york when I recently visited last weekend. everything seems to be moving there, always. I wonder if that’s what will help me move through this funk - keep my body moving and my environment stimulating so that I can atleast enjoy the changes despite the seeming lack of change or progress in front of my eyes. 

in a way, I think this is one of the toughest periods of this year for me. but I am so close. it feels like so many things have been neglected, but I think I would like to just motivate myself to leave the house and carry on, be open to the continued flow and functioning of the world around me, even though I feel so stagnant in my own little world. lightness, I need lightness.