She is Alive, He is Alive

　Dag Kudou was working from home. While he continued to push type on a keyboard, he heard the noise from outside. His six-year-old daughter, Noomi Kudou, was frolicking around the house. The elementary school was closed due to the coronavirus, and she stayed home all the time. Noomi, like a mischievous fairy, spends the time by making noise. Dag was concerned about the sound of it as he went about his business. But suddenly, there was no sound. The moment he realized this, Dag's heart chilled like a dead cow. In his mind, a scene flashed through his mind.
　Dag walked out of the room and slowly made his way to the living room. The door was open, and through the gap he could see Noomi's back. She was lying prone on the floor, and pressing her crotch against the floor like a maniac. Its wild movements were reminiscent of a broken toy. Noomi was clearly masturbating. And Dag looked at it wordlessly. It was not the first time he had seen this landscape. In fact, he had witnessed it many times. However, this shock was not easy to deal with. Every time he came face to face with this landscape, Dag was hit with a shock like a blow to the brain. Noomi single-mindedly rubbed her crotch on the floor while Dag felt nausea. He fled to the washroom with his body shaking. Then he would wash his face with cold water, but the fear continued to engulf him.

　When did Noomi start to masturbate like that? A year ago, Dag and Noomi's beloved wife and mother, Misaki Kudou, had died of breast cancer. At that moment, Dag couldn't hold back and sobbed, while Noomi had been surprisingly expressionless and speechless. She had acted as if she did not understand her mother's death at all. In tears, Dag had explained her death to Noomi. She had been released from her suffering and had become a small star in the night sky, no longer returning to this world but watching over us. Noomi had listened to this explanation with an eerie silence.
　Then Noomi had started masturbating like a madman. She had masturbated with the greed and ferocity of a wild carnivore catching its prey. She had pressed her crotch against the edge of the desk and her hips against the floor. In the absence of her father, Dag, she had continued to masturbate, accompanied by a feeling of release. The first time Dag had witnessed it, he had been shocked beyond words, but he had been so uncomfortable that he had ignored it. And even if Noomi had been masturbating, he had continued to ignore it. But after the coronavirus had shut down the school and Noomi had stayed at home all the time, Dag had noticed a definite increase of her masturbation. He had even witnessed her masturbation while watching Youtube on her tablet. He had known he had to stop this. But the unspeakable discomfort and rejection was giving Darg pause.

　And once again, Dag witnessed Noomi indulging in masturbation at the living room. Dag kept pounding his fists into his thighs as fear engulfed his mind. Then he went into the living room.
"Hey Noomi, don't do that!"
　Noomi slowly turned her face to Dag. But that didn't stop her from shaking her hips.
"Hey, I told you to stop shaking your hips!"
　Dag grabbed Noomi's small body with all his power. Then she suddenly started crying, and Dag didn't know what to do. The cries gradually grew louder, tormenting Dag's brain like countless ants.
"Stop it, stop crying....."
　Dag squeezed out the words as if pleading, but Noomi didn't stop crying. Relegated to a desperate situation, Dag wished Misaki had been here to stay. He thought that, if Misaki had been still alive, she would have solved all of these problems. Misaki's smile shone like a sunflower in the sunshine. Misaki's heart was as wide as a sea of shining infinite blue. As he thought about it, Dag couldn't stop crying.

　A few days later, Darg went with Noomi to a park nearby. Noomi was playing normally on the playground equipment, but the suspicion that one time she would openly masturbate was gnawing at Dag's mind. Beside them, the mothers of the children were chatting with each other without worrying about the social distance. Dag wanted to ask these women if it was normal for infants to masturbate, if it was normal for them to keep shaking their hips like madmen at home. But if he asked them that now, Dag would be dismissed as a pervert.
　Dag had never formed a friendship with a woman of his age. He didn't know how to form a fellowship with women. He knew how to make a relationship, but he couldn't figure out how to tie a relationship outside of that romantic one. For Dag, woman was the opposite sex, only a partner in a sexual relationship. Therefore, Dag could imagine himself having sex with the mothers, but he couldn't imagine himself talking about something with them as delicate as the masturbation of an infant in an empty park.
　Dag looked at Noomi again. She enjoyed playing with the boys of her age. When he forget how to treat the opposite sex with such a pure heart, Darg wondered. A lukewarm wind blew against his cheeks. The sight of ejaculating on the face of one of his mothers flashed through Dag's mind, and he spontaneously got an erection.

　Then Darg found Noomi masturbating. Still, he read the information online and studied about infant masturbation. Dag smiled and tried to pass on the words he had learned there to Noomi.
"Noomi. When Noomi grows up and gets married, you'll have a baby. What you're touching right now is the most important part of the baby's life. It hurts when you touch it and the mold gets in, and it's tough if you have to go to the hospital, right? Dad is really worried about Noomi because you're so important to me. But this is something you've been doing for a long time, so I don't think it will be easy to stop, and I think there are times when you touch it unconsciously. And then I'll tell you what to do. Let's try our best to stop it."
　Noomi glared at Dag wordlessly. The extraordinary coldness of the situation makes Dag feel uncomfortable. The sharpness in her eyes was the same as what his wife, Misaki, would show when she became angry. Being exposed to it, Dag couldn't say anything.

　It had been a long time that Dag saw Misaki in his dreams. She exposed her body without any thread to Darg. Her yellow skin, coal-like eyes, and sensual curves. Dag thought that Misaki's body was the most beautiful thing in the world. He assaulted Misaki with his hardened penis. It was a very pleasant feeling to devour her flesh with the raw body odor. Whenever she was touched, Misaki also expired a lustrous pant, which made him happy.
　He was driven by the desire to taste Misaki's raw flesh and tried to insert his penis. But at first, Misaki refused to do so. He was irritated by Misaki, who did not listen to him. Still, forcibly, Dag inserted his raw penis into Misaki. He could feel the spit pouring out of his mouth at how good it felt. The sensation of his own penis penetrating Misaki's flesh was more wonderful than anything else. And in the midst of the pointed pleasure, Dag ejaculated. Then he smeared Misaki's vagina and her flesh with semen. As he savored the remnants of his pleasure, wrapped in flesh, Dag heard a sob. It was the cry of a baby, and in the end he knew it was the cry of Noomi. At that moment, his heart slowly crushed in horror, and Dag screamed unthinkingly. He woke up from his dream, but that raspy cry still echoed.

　While working, the sight of Noomi masturbating suddenly popped into Dag's head. It crushed on Dag like a blow. Feeling the pain in his brain, he went to the washroom. As he washed his face with cold water, he realized that his eyes were covered in the color of rotten shit. He rubbed it, and now it was covered in a blood urine red. Dag opened the toilet door in frustration. There, Noomi was masturbating. She was furiously stimulating her clitoris with her left hand. Her face was drenched in sweat and her eyes resonated with the bloodshot eyes of the madman.
　Dag was so uncomfortable that he spewed vomit all over the place. Among the vomit was the lettuce he had eaten this morning. Dag grabbed Noomi's arm and led her outside. Then he let her out from the house and locked the door.
"Open the door!　Open it!"
"Shut up! You're a filthy piece of shit!"
　Dag threw up a curse and heard Noomi crying. He couldn't control the anger that was already inside him. He wanted to destroy everything. Dag huddled in his room and screamed out loud, covering his ears. He hoped that everything would collapse in its screams.

　But one time, sanity came back to Dag's head. It was horrifying to think back on the enormity of what he had done. When he opened the front door, there was Noomi lying on the ground. He hurriedly took her to bed, but she was tormented by a high fever, hurting deeply.
　He nursed her for a few days, but Noomi's fever didn't go down at all and her condition was getting worse and worse. Dag desperately nursed her with a guilty conscience, but things were never going to get better. While watching Noomi continue to suffer, an ominous premonition flashed through his mind; maybe Noomi had contracted the coronavirus. The thought chilled down his spine. He thought the coronavirus was a spectacle spreading on the television, but maybe it was right beside him. And he was terrified of it. He dreamed of the worst possible ending, in other words, Noomi's death. But at the same time, even the sight of Noomi indulging in masturbation made him think like that; if Noomi dies, I won't have to watch that damned masturbation anymore.
　Then, an uncanny desire swelled in Dag's heart.

　Dag took Noomi to the hospital. Luckily, the doctor gave her a PCR test. But it would take a few days to find out the results, so they had to go back to their home. While she waited at home, Noomi's health got worse and worse. Her body was slowly rotting away from the heat. A few days later, a PCR test showed that Noomi was positive for the coronavirus, and she was taken to the hospital. Dag was not allowed to keep up there. He stayed at home and waited for Noomi to get better. No matter how he did it, he couldn't meet Noomi. And again, a few days later, he got a call from the hospital. According to the doctor, Noomi unfortunately died of the coronavirus. And to prevent the spread of the virus, the bodies had already been cremated, he said.
　Dag heard that and then ate his lunch. It was a salty instant ramen. He liked ramen with more light taste than thick, so he often ate the salt ramen. This instant ramen was also delicious. After all, the salt seemed to suit his taste. Then Dag washed his face in the washroom, defecated in the toilet, and went back to his room. At the time expanded to eternity, Dag stood still. Then, suddenly, Dag began to laugh. It was a violent laugh that rampantly broke the air. Spit erupted from Dag's mouth. Still, he continued to laugh. Dag laughed, laughed and laughed.

　But it was a dream. Noomi was in front of Dag, sleeping peacefully.
　Noomi is alive. And Dag is alive.