【英語エッセイ】Take Me To Church(私を教会に連れてって)
Christmas Eve — A night full of love and forgiveness for Filipinos. Like every house on that cozy night, the Gonzales’ was no exception, people raising their champagne glasses and sipping from it as they were chit chatting and catching up. Merrymaking was an understatement with all the games, teases, laughters and the delighted faces filling all the corners of the house. They were all living for that moment, except for Dodong. The only person in the house trying to put on a genuine smile as he talked to everyone. It had been a tough year for him and no matter how much he tried, the pain and loneliness that the tragedy brought about that one summer afternoon wouldn’t just go away. He was serving his mom’s special dessert, the Maja blanca, when he thought of taking a break from the now exhausting gathering for him. He thought of heading to the kitchen when his mom called.
“Dodong, could you take Bantay out for a walk, please?” she said, waving him over.
Bantay is the family’s mad-faced dog. Its face was covered with folded skin and its eyes were popping out as if they were leaving its face. Its nose and mouth almost contracted in the center like it was kicked by somebody in the belly before it was brought to existence. Despite the somewhat hideous appearance as his mom often details, Bantay has undoubtedly made it to their hearts. That eve, however, the dog was also taking the time of his life. It was humping and twerking nonstop on their visitors' legs the whole evening, from one guest to another. Her mom was already blushing with unfathomable embarrassment when Dodong came on the scene. Like Dodong, luckily, the man the dog was on last was a fur dad so he didn't mind being turned into a pole by a sexy dancing pug. “I’m sorry,” mumbled Dodong as he picked up the excited dog. He tied the strap of the leash on the pug's wrinkling neck and carried the fat horny little monster outside.
“You are so crazy, man,” scolded Dodong for not suppressing its sexual, albeit natural tendencies, to his mother's guests. The dog just squinted its golf-sized eyes directed at him as if it was reasoning at him that he had deprived him of it for a long time and so that's what pet owners deserve. Dodong just sighed and shook his head out of disbelief as they started the walk towards the nearby park.
At the lantern lit landscape, Dodong let the dog run free from its leash, giving him some time alone. Not long after, like he always got himself into, his mind was once again dragged into the seas of sorrows as he looked up at the ever-listening moon, drowning him for the hundredth time with the Why’s and If onlys of that harrowing day. Dodong could just wish for a peaceful night. To his immediate rescue, Bantay, barking at him, interrupted his terror mind. Amused by the gesture, Dodong smiled and turned his gaze to the dog.
“Thank you, buddy.”
The pug was giving him a familiar look. The look that begs for the warm smooch they give each other at home. Dodong could never resist its needy eyes, so he gave in and lavished the poor thing with kisses and hugs. Oddly, the dog stiffened and didn’t seem relieved even after a couple of pats. Dodong thought it was rather strange but he tried not to mind as the dog is known for its ungrateful side,, too. It made Dodong wonder even more when it all of a sudden took a leap and ran away with a puzzled look. Dumbfounded, Dodong went after his dog who was now running on all fours.
“Sili!” called a familiar voice, putting Dodong to a stop.
Maya, the only person who called him that. The only girl who never missed to call him Sili every time he turned red as Chili when upset. The ever quirky and beautiful Maya with her long curly black hair and stream-clear eyes that Dodong could hardly take his eyes off. The girl Dodong had laid eyes on since the day she was introduced as his partner at a local cafe. Day by day, it became inevitable for Dodong to not only learn how to pour the right amounts of coffee beans from her, but also to fall under her charm. She was caffeine, endlessly flowing in his fragile veins. She was undoubtedly the culprit of his sleepless nights as he could hardly stop thinking of what their future together could be when he was by himself. He’d get so elated from the thought that he would laugh at himself in the mirror and tell himself how crazy he was for entertaining it — but he would do it all over again anyway.
Maya shimmered in a pearl-white church dress that evening as she was making her way towards Dodong. She let out a faint naughty smile and hurried at him, grabbing Dodong by the arms and exclaimed, "Take me to church, will you?” Dodong hesitated because of Bantay but like the good old days, he could never say no to her.
“But Bantay…” trailed Dodong.
“Bantay always makes it home. Don’t worry,” assured Maya who was now laying her head on Dodong’s arms. Dodong couldn’t be more thrilled of what was transpiring in his very eyes. He thought Maya would love to hear a story so he then went on and told her what Bantay did to their guests that night and both of them laughed their heads off. Although Maya preferred cats, she also loved dogs. Maya never had the chance to pet Bantay, but she was glad the dog had been on Dodong's side all this time. Dodong had mentioned getting a pet for them to take care of in one of their shifts at the cafe, but they were preoccupied enough to prioritize it back then.
As they continued walking, Dodong added that perhaps it was time to get Bantay a partner. Maya nodded and agreed that it would be best for him.
A moment of silence followed as the gust of December wind blew, swaying the leaves and the star lanterns on the trees by the sidewalk. The air was rather cool but it never pierced them. Nothing could ever ice the peculiar intimacy warming their bodies, or so they thought. Little did Dodong know that it would soon fade away.
“I heard you wanted to show me something tonight?” she said
Dodong paused for he was surprised by what she asked. He never had the chance to tell Maya that afternoon because she was in a hurry catching her bus home. It was this moment that bit by bit, his once ecstatic heart was slowly being crushed, and somber began to fill in. He recalled the day he wanted to invite Maya to try his mom’s homemade dessert on Christmas Eve and that they would watch the fireworks display together afterwards. The agonizing thought made Dodong even more subdued.
“After the mass, I will show you,” he said with a heart burdened with so much sadness. He never wanted to show it so he closed his eyes instead. He reached for Maya’s forehead and kissed it.
“I had always wanted this with you,” she replied.
“... and I never meant to leave you.”
Dodong, in his heart, prayed that this moment would last longer – her in his arms, breathing, confessing how much she loved him. He had been longing for this moment he could wrap his arms around her once more. He had been begging God since that day to see her again so she could console his tormented heart. So he could stop blaming himself that if only he had asked her to stay longer, she would not have been hit by a selfish drunk driver that afternoon. So he could stop questioning God on why it had to happen. Dodong could feel his heart sink deeper in pain and his eyes began to swell streams he could no longer hold.
“We are here,“ declared the now distressed Dodong.
“Would you please stay? I beg you.”
He knew that Maya would want to but it was no longer possible. Maya smiled and wiped away his tears.
”Thank you for everything, Sili."
“Promise me that you will be okay,” she asked. She held his hands and reached for his cheeks, kissing him for the last time. She then let go and turned to the entrance. Dodong could still feel Maya’s kiss on his cheeks as he watched her paced towards the huge door. He could see her waving at him before the bright light enveloped over them.
As he opened his eyes, Bantay was on his chest, licking him incessantly with its tail wildly wiggling, so glad that he woke up from tripping.
Dodong learned another lesson from Maya. After that night, he promised to himself, and to Maya, that he will be okay.
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