The precious thing that I noticed (12.April)

英語で自分の感情を書き記してみた。なんか英語が良かったの。英語の表現は日本語よりもストレートに自分の思いを表現できるから、こんなに長々と書けるとは思ってなかったけど笑
自分の今ある感情の殴り書き。地元の海を見ながらのね．．．

I went to the beach, which is my favorite in my lovely hometown because I have so many things to think about and my brain is going to explode. So, I visited a cafe there to do some stuff and face myself.
These days, I have an idea that I noticed. It is that, if I grow up myself, it doesn’t matter the place. The important thing is that I should be in an environment where I feel really enjoyable. I believe that it’s totally different between the PLACE and the ENVIRONMENT.
In my opinion, the place is the land where I am. For example, Tokyo, The US, University, and Workplace, something like that. The environment is also a place, but I think it also includes people who I communicate with. I guess the environment will make me grow up or give up trying something.

As soon as I came back from Australia to Miyazaki, I didn’t receive any stimulation. I thought there are not many friends who I want to meet, no place where I can have the things to be able to improve myself. That’s why I thought I needed to go away from my hometown. I tried to go to Tokyo. If I go anywhere, I can discover the thing that I want to do in the future.That’s why I currently tried to find a job in TOKYO. BUT, even though I am job hunting, I couldn’t find the place that I would like to work. At the same time, I am at a loss as to why I need to go to Tokyo. I didn’t know what to do in the future. In short, I lost myself. So, that's why I stopped looking for a job.

Instead of stopping doing it, I try to meet new people that I have never communicated with before in Miyazaki. For example, I attended an English event the other day. There are so many people who have different backgrounds. People from abroad, people who used to stay abroad, people who want to go abroad for their experience. It was a fulfilling time.
Also, I am back to the workplace, where I had worked before. It is called TSUTAYA, which is a bookstores. But, it was recently changed to a store that is close to the local community by my boss. I was so surprised. Even though the work is hard, I am really happy to work with her because I really respect her. At the same time, I started a cafe job as a waitress. Thanks to this cafe owner, I got that job. He is a really nice person, because he always gives me compliments and advice rather than deny. That’s why I am fun to work there

In addition, I had an incident that I noticed that the environment is important. I met the guy who I had met before and the woman at my workplace. When I saw her, she looked really enjoyed herself. Also, she told me she had an experience of losing herself, but now she really has an enjoyable time with her boss. Also, she said she did love herself right now. When I heard that, I was shocked, like I was hit by thunder. At that moment, I noticed I stuck to changing the PLACE. For example, I will get the job to stay in Tokyo, but the environment is not suitable for me. It's a waste of time. However, if I find the people who I do love, and I come to love myself when I work the environment, the place is none of my business.
After I noticed that, I am really enjoying my life. I am happy now.

Honestly, I have a company where I imagine I can work happily, but I don’t know if I can work there or not. This is why I am concerned a lot. What should I do? If I couldn’t get it…, Why do I want to work there? Why will I be happy? etc… I am afraid, but I am not challenging myself right now. Can I do that? Yes I can. Hang in there. NEVER GIVE UP.