What is FRIEND for you?

Today, I would like to write about friendships.
For me, friend is who I can be honest and loyal and feel I want to support.

Everyone have different definition of friend. So, I understand my opinion is correct for everyone.

I have a good communication, I don't think that but many people say that.
But I would say because I am not good at human relationships.

I don't want to fight people. I don't get in trouble with people. that's why I treat people well. in other hand that mean is I don't relate with people.

I got bulling when I was 7, 17 and 22 years old. and also I saw someone get bulling too.
I was not help them, I was scared. I was thinking just I don't want to related with them.

I've decided to being alone.

 

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I felt uncomfortable with someone for your status. 

my one of good police mate said that " if they gate you, that is not related to you. their emotions are their responsibility.  as Yui, someone take my side"

I admire her. her mind was so cool for me. Since that day, I stop join Nomikai, meeting people who I don't want to.

Instead, my all same group colleagues don't like me, and they call me "crazy" "odd", "Read between the lines" etc etc. 
anyway, they avoid me and some sempai ignored me for 3 years.

It was really tough. I did not want to go work. But I don't to be everyone's friend.

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I don't have many friend.
because for me, friends are important. I feel strong for them. 

To be honest, sometimes I feel confused that people call me "friend".
at least if I show only nice personality, I don't feel we are friends.

After I feel trust and then I show real me. many people leave me,
when I show me. they say "I didn't expected you are those person".

My hurt painful. but they must disappoint me. because I hide of myself.

You don't believe but I'm super negative human.
negative and realistic.

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I'm loyal to my friends. always, trying to doing my best. I want to help them If I could do somethings.

because always they help me.

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sometimes, I misread. Because guys says me "you are amazing" "stop being cute" etc. anyway they tell me somethings what make me happy.

but one day, they say "Oh sorry, I made you misread, you are nice but didn't mean like that."

 I want to ask you where my position for you?

if you think I am your friend, I disappoint you said that sweet word to friends.

Recently, I saw a video on Instagram. a guy said "use their heart for your fun" 
I agree with him. also I have to care about it too.

 

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I wrote about different things a lot here, but I would like to say
for me, friend is who I really hope their happiness and if I could, I want to help.

I don't have powers, I cannot do same things to many people. so I choose friend who is my friends.
of corse they might think I'm not their friends haha
but It is okay. I want to do for them.

and If I have many friends, definitely I would get trouble about human relations  especially, Love relationships. 

I want to love a person who I can really trust and no one bother me haha

thank you for reading.
I'm directly writing here, so I should think about contents more haha

maybe next time, I will.