August 19th

I tend to be worried that I might waste the time.  It's a scary feeling.  I always try to organize my schedule of a day even though I have nothing to do in a whole day.  Recently I am having 2 months off from the work so I have plenty of time.  I love to just relax and do nothing at the moment but I still feel like I'm wasting the time.  

I do think that doing nothing is not a waste of time.  If I try to fill my days with something productive, that might make my life more like a waste of time.  

In recent days I wake up at 7 and read a book, then eat breakfast and do some laundry.  After that I just repeat reading and relaxing.  When I have done the routine 4 times, most of the time it would be already the evening so I am tired and start other things like taking a shower, going for a walk, watch TV and so on.  Then mom would come back home and we relax together.  

I kind of feel anxious and I don't know if my life like this is fine.  When you feel anxious and uncomfortable, the good way to deal with your anxiety is to say thank you to everything when you get up and go to bed.  You don't have to actually say it aloud, but being grateful makes you feel fine. I found this when I was 16.  I'm so worried if I can live by myself after my family all die, but all I can do is to be grateful.