On a Brief Hiatus

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to let you know I'll be taking a break off of socials. I may or may not drop by every now and then to comment on something silly to show love and support for my friends projects, (or in the rare case that a certain someone may return), but I think after the past 6 months, and holding out hope for so long, I'm completely worn out, i'm still very much hurt, and burnt out on levels I didn't think were possible.

The realities of being kept in the dark about her official announcement, and the feeling of being uniformed has finally sunk in for me. I still have 110% of my heart invested to show support for her, and I will, but offline. I need to take a break. All the projects, T-shirt designs, letters, gifting, designing in general, learning how to edit videos and even going out to TJPW events overseas and even in other states with the best attitude possible has finally taken a toll on me. I don't regret anything I did, in fact, I'm proud of all the hard work, people I met, new places I've seen, and grateful for the amazing memories, I'm just so tired.

Getting closure on all the news and journaling how I felt even on a public level has helped me tremendously for my mental state, I was so happy and surprised to get a handful of comments regarding my writing and my ability to be vulnerable with others, which I greatly appreciate. In fact, it's been quite therapeutic, I feel amazing after getting my feelings out on paper. It wasn't easy, but I wasn't scared to share how I really felt. I am and will always be unashmed to show passion for the things I love. However, the journaling and being vulnerable is simply not enough. I want more for myself, like I had written about in my "Tribute to Hikari" journal entry...

I want to grow from this, I want to become a completely different person, in a sense, a completely better person. I have so many things to do, so many places to see, and so many new hobbies I want to try or pick back up again. In fact, i've already picked up on a few new hobbies and taking formal classes in person. I'm quickly finding out that being online all the time and trying to do all these things, while being stuck in that time zone of the past 6 months just isn't the answer. I'm still young, and I don't want all my potential all being wasted on anymore sorrow or despair, so I need to get my mind straight before I return.

So before I go, I just wanted to say... Thank you to everyone that has reached out to me, commented on my well being, gave me a call, supported my recent projects all just to make sure I am well. Especially to my friends even outside the community, there were 2 of you that saw the news just purely out of coincidence. They know how much it meant to me, people that are not even pro wrestling fans, and gave me so much love and support. If you see me online, or gaming for the few people I keep close, please don't hesitate to reach out. You guys are the reason i'm still here <3

Even if you don't have me added on socials, if you want to say hi, please say hello, I won't be offended or standoffish about it. I don't want people worrying about me... I just really really need to get this off my chest, and I need this distance from the majority of people. 

I may return in a weeks time, a months time, who knows, I've left entire communities for years at a time before returning, but I'm doing this for me and my well being. I will eventually make a link in my profile at some point during my break with a completed list of Hikari projects to show support, but it will completely go unannounced. Speaking of which, if I promised you a T-shirt of one of my designs, or a collab offer with my brand, it will please have to cease until further notice. Thank you for understanding. Also, to the people who asked me if I'll be attending the future TJPW events... Or even wrestling in general.... It's still very much left in up in the air. I am healing and I do feel better, but I am certainly conflicted and need more time to think about it.

Anyways, I've already said a lot regarding the situation, so in the meantime take care of yourselves, be good to each other, make smart decisions, and I love you guys.

I'll always show my support for everyone, especially Hikari, and I'll always have high hopes for the future with a smile on my face. This is far from goodbye, I'm just doing this for me so I can be a better person.

-UP UP BOYS | KAI <3

I've been taking this keychain with me everywhere I go <3