The contents of the "Advices from Parnassus (Ragguagli di Parnaso)" by Trajano Boccalini (the first century, 1-100)

The First CENTURY

Advice
1. The Society of Politicians open a Shop in Parnassus, where are to be sold several Merchandizes useful to the Literati in the Conduct of their Lives.
2. The ordinary Guard of Parnassus seize a paltry Poet who had been banish'd the Country on pain of Death , and finding a Pack of Cards in his Pocket, bring 'em to Apollo, who commands him to teach the Game of Whisk in the publick Schools.
3. Apollo receives the unfortunate Advice of the barbarous Assassination committed on the Person of the most potent Henry IV. King of France; and for the security of his belov'd French orders powerful Succors to be sent from Arcadia into France.
4. Pierius Valerianus, seeing Michael Angelo Buonaroti taking a Draught of the ugly Front of Seneca's House, inquires his Reason, and receives a satisfactory Answer.
5. A Question being started and debated among the Literati, which of all the Political Laws and Customs in the flourishing Republick of Venice, was the best and most worthy of Praise, they unanimously refer it to the Arbitration of the most serene Liberty of Venice, who decides the Controversy.
6. A learned Laconick, who in his Discourse had not us'd the brevity he ought, is severely punish'd by the Laconick Senate.
7. The Censors of Learning punish a Virtuso, who, in his declining Age, seem'd to take too much delight tn the Italian Poetry.
8. Apuleius's Golden Ass, and Plautus's Asinaria, complain to Apollo that their Masters use 'em hardly, but receive no pleasing Answer.
9. An Account of what the Learned have reap'd from the Sciences they sow'd and cultivated.
10. The Intelligencer goes into the Politicians Warehoude, and by observing what sort of Goods are bought up by the Literati, endeavours to discover their various Inclinatiom and Genius.
11. Fidelity being privately withdrawn from Parnassus, Apollo, upon certain notice where she bad hid her self, sends the Muses, Melpomene and Thalia, to persuade her back
12. In a general Diet of the Literati, Apollo, contrary to all expectation, decrees Immortality to the Name of Vicenzo Pinti, call'd at Rome, the Knight of the Lute.
13. ]ohn Francisco Peranda with great difficulty obtains of Apollo admission into Parnassus, and rejects the offer of Girolamo Fracastoro, who would have restor'd him to his loft Sight.
14. The Academics of Italy send Deputys to Parnassus, to obtain from Apollo some preservative againsl Corruption, but find it impossible.
15. Seneca being accus'd before Apollo of two foul Vices, to which those of his Sect are much addicted, makes an excellent defence.
16. The Society of Gardiners send Embassadors to Parnassus with an impertinent Request, for which they are laugh'd at by Apollo.
17. A Doubt arising upon the Truth of an old Proverb, That to know a Man well, you must first eat a Peck of Salt with him; Apollo makes it be debated in a General Assembly of the Literati.
18. The Hircanians send Embassadors to Apollo, to be truly resolv'd in the important Question, Whether it be lawful for the People to kill a Tyrant?
19. Nero the Emperor, for a singular Commendation given him by Cornelius Tacitus, rewards him with a Present of twenty five Mules laden with Gold.
20. The Virtuosi go to the chief Temple in Parnassus, and implore a most important Blessing.
21. Apollo exhibits a mournful Spectacle in the Amphitheatre of Melpomene, to encourage the senators of Free Country to cultivate Liberty, and not to affect arbitrary Government.
22. The Academy of the Intronati having admitted the chief Poetesses of Parnassus, Apollo commands 'em to be expel'd.
23. Justus Lipsius makes a solemn Entry into Parnassus, and the next day accuses Tacitus of Impiety;but gets little Honor by it.
24. A mournful Day in Parnassus, in memory of the unfortunate introducing of the use of Salvers at Table.
25. The chief Monarchys that reside in Parnassus, ask the most serene Venetian Liberty, by what means she obtains from her Nobility such exquisite Secrecy and exalt Obedience; and receive a satisfactory Answer.
26. Francis I. king of France, meeting philosophy naked, offers her his Royal Mantle, which she refus'd.
27. Apollo severely reprimands the Muses for inspiring ignorant blockheads with Poetick Fury, but they defend themselves to Admiration.
28. Torquato Tasso presents to Apollo his poem, call'd Gierusalemme liberata; for which Lodovico Castelvetro and Aristotle are severely reprimanded by his Majesty.
29. Cornelius Tacitus being elected Prince of Lesbos, goes thither, where he meets with very indifferent Success.
30. Apollo observing the great Mischiefs that happen'd to Mankind by the absence of Fidelity, procures her return to Parnassus, by the assistance of the Muses, and the sublime Heroick Virtues.
31. During the Carnival in Parnassus, the Virtuosi run Races, and divert themselves with various Demostrations of Mirth.
32. The Fanisarys, seeing one of their Body ill rewarded for a considerable Service, mutiny against the Ottoan Empire, but are appeas'd by Apollo.
33. Carolus Sigonius and Dionigi Atanagi are accus'd of Ingratitude; the first by Petrus Victorius, the last by Hannibal Caro; but are both acquitted by Apollo.
34. Terence the Conick Poet being taken into Custody by an Order from the City Pretor, on pretence of his keeping a Miss, is discharg'd by Apollo, with great derision to the Pretor.
35. Apollo gives publick Audience, and with admirable Wisdom determines many Affairs of his Virtuosi.
36. Apollo discovers Harpocrates to be a mereIgnoramus, and turns him out of Parnassus with disgrace.
37. A learned Roman petitions Apollo for a Prescription to make him forget some great Injurys he had receiv'd in the Court of a certain Prince; his Majesty gives him a draught of the Water of Lethe, but with ill Success.
38. The Prince of Laconia is accus'd before Apollo for exorbitant Grants to his favourite Secretary, but defends himself to admiration.
39. The Prince of the island of Mitylene being dead without Issue, the People debate, whether 'twill be best to chuse a new Prince, or erect themselves into a free State.
40. James Creyton, a Scotchman, having by an insolent Defiance incens'd the Virtuosi, is sent packing from Parnassus by a Satyrical Fest.
41. The vacant Governments in Parnassus are fill'd up, and the List of the Governors is publish'd.
42. Argus offers himself to the duke of Venice to guard the Chastity of their most serene Liberty, but his Service is rejected.
43. The Florentines playing at Football, admit a Foreign courtier into the Lists, who carrys away the Prize.
44. Battisata Platina being foundly cudgel'd by Agostino Nifo, complains to Apollo, not much to his Reputation.
45. Apollo preceiving the inconvenience of Poets growing too rich, advices the generous Francis I. King of France, to moderate his Bounty towards 'em.
46. Apollo having discover'd the Inventer of Guns, is about to punish him severely, but the Artificer makes a bandsom defence.
47. The Roman Monarchy desires Cornelius Tacitus to resolve her in a political Doubt, and receives full Satisfaction from the Shepherd Melibcus, who happen'd to be present.
48. In an Assembly of the Virtuosi at Phocis, Innkeeping is voted to be a noble and heroick Occupation.
49. Certain Virtuosi are severely punish'd for saying, Duels are sometimes necessary.
50. the Dukes, Marquisses, and other Titulati of Parnassus complain to Apollo, that their honorable Title of Excellence is given to Doctors of Law and Physick.
51. A Marquiss having imploy'd Scipio Ammirati to draw his Pedegree, is so little satisfy'd with it, that he demands his Mony again.
52. A general Diet is held in Helicon to determine the true meaning of some Proverbs and Sentences of wise Men.
53. Fracisco Sforza, Duke of Milan, is admitted into Parnassus, but on very hard conditions.
54. Apollo appeases a dangerous scuffle among the Pedants of Parnassus.
55. To prevent the great Abuses that are found in History, Apollo having assembl'd a general meeting of the Historiographers, publishes a severe Edict against 'em, and many Historians are blam'd for their faults.
56. Apollo, to secure the Rivers of his Dominions from being infested by Pirats, constitutes the most illustrious Bernardo Capello Admiral of the Ionick Sea, and gives him excellent Instructions.
57. the Prince of Epirus is so afflicted at the Birth of his first Son, that he forbids any publick Rejoicing.
58. Apollo erects a new Court of Justice in Parnassus for the Punishment of Flatterers, but with very ill Success.
59. Apollo, exceedingly charm'd with the noble Qualitys of Tasso, creates him Poet-Laureat, and Lord High President of Italian Poetry.
60. Apollo laughs at a literato, who request to be taught the Art of Memory.
61. Juvenal refuses a Challenge of Francisco Berni to contend with him in Satyrick Poetry.
62. Domitius Corbulo, having in his Government of Pindus utter'd some words which Apollo in a former Edict had condemn'd as tyrannical, is serevely prosecuted, but comes off with Reputation.
63. The Chair of Tranquillity being vacant by Diogenes's Promotion to a higher Dignity, Apollo offers it to the famous Philosopher Crates, who refuses it.
64. Many People having wasted their Estates in costly Apparel and extravagant housekeeping, desire their Princes to make a Law for the moderation of such expences, but their Requestis rejected.
65. Bodinus presents Apollo with his six Books of a Commonwealth, in which it appearing that he approves of Liberty of Conference, he's condemn'd to be burnt; after which Apollo severely punishes a Poet for Blasphemy.
66. The Virtuosi of Parnassus visit the Temple of Divine Providence, and offer up their Thanks for her Signal Charity to Mankind.
67. Paolo Peruta, by Apollo's Command, explains in the publick Schools the true meaning of this Maxim, that, To reign in safety the People must be kept under.
68. A noble Laconick Senator having committed a great Offence, the Prince thinks it Prudence to pass it by.
69. Andrea Alciati finding himfelf unjuslly dealt with in one of his Governments, applys s to Apollo for redress, but to no purpose.
70. The Lady Victoria Colonua intreats Apollo in behalf of the Female Sex, that the same infamy to which unchast Wives are subject, may likewise be inflicted on adulterous Husbands.
71. Caesar in a publick Assembly taxes Brutus with Ingratitude, and afterwards challenges him to fight.
72. Several Nations petition their Princes, that the Laws under which they live, may be reduc'd to a less number; and that the Governors of Provinces may not be permitted to publish new Orders every day.
73. The Virtuosi of Italy earnestly intreat Apollo, that Philosophy may be treated of in the Italian Language; but their request is not granted.
74. Apollo expounds the true meaning of this Sentece, homo longus raro sapiens.
75. The Court of the Rota having decided a Contest between the Scholars and the military men, in favor of the latter, and being afterwards convinc'd that they had given a wrong Judgment, revoke it.
76. Several Princes besige Aristotle in his Country-house and force him to revoke his Definition of a Tyrant.
77. A general reform of the World by Apollo's Order, is publish'd by the seven Sages of Greece, and some other wise Men.
78. Apollo having receiv'd some agreeable News from Italy, orders great demonstrations of Joy to be made.
79. A Dispute between the antient Republick of Rome, and the modern Venetian Liberty, concerning the true Rewards of Honor.
80. The People of Lesbos, after the Abdication of Cornelius Tacitus, chuse for their Prince Anna of Momorancy, whom Apollo had nominated to 'em.
81. Giovanni Zecca, Physician of Bologna, sells in Parnassus the true Antidote against the French-Pox.
82. The Literati of Parnassus celebrate with great solemnity the Festival dedicated to the honorable Leaves of the Laurel.
83. Apollo applauds that Spanish Decree, which enjoins that no Proctors or Lawyers shou'd go to the Indies; upon which the whole Faculty complains to him.
84. The chief Literati of Parnassus address Apollo that he wou'd oblige Tacitus fo re-compose those Books of his Annals and Historys that are loft.
85. Apollo having notice that the Ignorant were arming against Learning, provides for the defence of his Virtuosi
86. Justus Lipsius, in amends for having accus'd Tacitus, pays him so much respect, that he is charg'd before Apollo with Idolatry: But after a feign'd Punishment, his Majesty at length acquits and commends him.
87. The Queen of Italy will not be prevail'd upon, by the intercession of her chief Princes and of Apollo himself, to pardon those Italian Officers, who, in the service of foreign Nations, had taken up Arms against her.
88. All the Sheep of the Universe send their Embassadors to Apollo, to desire him to grant 'em sharp Teeth and long Horns; but his Majesty laughs at their Request.
89. Nicholas Machiavel having been banish'd Parnassus on pain of burning, is found bid in a Friend's Library, upon which the Sentence is put in execution. 90. Apollo visits the Prisons, and tries many Virtuosi who were committed for Crimes, or for Debt.
91. A great Prince having brought to the Temple a rich Offering of a golden Bason, the Priest accepts it with an Air of Sadness; and the Prince asking him the reason of it, receives Satisfaction.
92. Apollo having sent an Order to the Shepherds of Arcadia, forbidding 'em to fatten any more Hogs, is earnestly entreated to revoke it, but refuses to do it.
93. Thraseas Poetus, with his Son-in law Priscus Helvidius, being observ'd to frequent the Houses of the chief Poetesses of Parnassus, is severely reprimanded by Apollo.
94. A Senator of Poland having blam'd another Senator's Conduct, is convinc'd, 'tis himself that has taken wrong Measures.
95. A Quarrel arising between the Governors of Pindus and Libethrum in point of Jurisdiction, Apollo severely punishes them both.
96. Hannibal Caro having wounded Castelvetro, is condemn'd by Apollo to pay the forfeiture of the Recognizance he had given for keeping the Peace.
97. Apollo appoints a general Hunting, to destroy, if possible, the Species of Ants and Tortoises, as Animals of ill Example to Mankind.
98. Dante being assaulted in the night at his Country-house by some Literati, is reliev'd by the great Ronsard of France, who afterward is very hardly brought to discover the Criminals.
99. The Princes of the Universe intreat Apollo to inspire their People with Love to their Country.
100. One of the Literati having compos'd critical Remarks on the Poems of an Italian Virtuoso, presents the Book to Apollo, who rejects it with scorn.


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