Discrimination Experiences in Cologne

The Easter break at my graduate school in England is quite long, three weeks. International students, especially those from Asia, often use this time to travel around Europe. I took advantage of this long break to travel to Cologne to meet up with a high school friend who is also a graduate student in western Germany, where I experienced my first discrimination multiple times.

List of Discriminations

・Ni hao (你好) from Passersby --- we were told by a group of Arab men in passing while I was walking in the center of Cologne at 6:00 p.m. in heavy traffic.

・Yelled at Us When an Old Man Saw Us---a little after 10 p.m., when we were walking on a sidewalk on a busy main street we were yelled at from about 10 meters away by a man crossing the street (not sure what language he was speaking). I don't know his race, but he had a dark skin. He was meeting up with someone who knew the guy after he crossed.

・Horn Honked at Us---we were walking from the station to where we were staying at 11pm on a street with few pedestrians and cars. The driver honked his horn at us. I could see that the driver was a young white male. There were a few passengers in the car.

・Man on a Bicycle Yelled at Me---we were walking on the sidewalk at 11pm when two bicycles came in line toward us from the front. We both swerved to both sides and stopped, but he got mad at us in German. According to the friend who speaks German, he said “get out of the way” in a very rude way. The one who shouted was a white guy who was in the front of the two.

・Man on a Bicycle Said Something to Us---we were on our way to the nearest bus stop at 10:00 a.m. A bicyclist rang the bell from behind and we swerved to avoid him. After the bike went by, he turned around and said something long-winded to us. I don't know what he said, and his tone of voice was calm, so this is in the gray area.

Believe me, we were just walking around, we were not making any loud noise at all. There is no uniformity in the time of day or the crowding of the place where we were discriminated against. Nor race. If I had to guess, they were all men. I cannot say at this point about Germany, about Cologne, about men, about race, or about the tendency of perpetrators. But it was clear that, at least in this area, people like me were on the very bottom of the hierarchy by the looks.

"I Feel Ashamed of Being Asian"--- My Emotional Reaction to the Discrimination

The discriminatory experience happened all at once, enough to drown out the enjoyable trip so far. 4.5 times in one day! That's too many for just bad luck. I can only think that this is a set-up.
Everyone feels differently about discrimination. Anger, sadness, pity, nothingness, etc. Let me tell you how I felt in two parts, the 你好 stuff and the rest.

That They Said 你好 to Us
I'd be lying if I said that 你好 didn't make me feel uncomfortable, but it was by far the least damaging of the five for me. This may seem surprising to Japanese people, because most Japanese don't think well of being mistaken for Chinese. But I have no problem with that. To begin with, 90% of the people in Europe who look East Asian are Chinese. I have been mistaken for Chinese many times since I came to England, and all of them have been by Chinese people speaking to me in Chinese. There is nothing wrong with being thought of as Chinese, and in fact I consider most East Asians I pass to be Chinese. However, I know that Chinese people do not have a good impression on Western society. Plus, considering that we do not usually greet passersby, I thought that they were probably making fun of us. The friend told me that this was the most discriminatory thing she had ever felt, and she reflexively clicked her tongue to show her irritation. I want to ask Chinese friends, do you feel uncomfortable if passersby said 你好 to you? Or would you say 你好 back?

Other Offensive Discrimination
What cornered me was the actions that followed in rapid succession. A greeting is just a greeting, but an action is fearful. Clearly we were not welcome. Clearly we were uninvited intruders. The friend didn't think of those actions as discrimination, and this difference of our feelings is quite interesting.
But it was painful for me. Not angry, but painful. I was ashamed. I was ashamed of my race, my gender, my small and weak figure, and my broken heart. If I were a white male, that would never have happened. What about a white woman? What if I were an East Asian male? If I were an East Asian woman, but a little taller, or more muscular...or if I had been accompanied by someone of a race other than East Asian, this might not have happened. And I have no energy to get angry at discrimination. I am quite weak.
I was also ashamed of myself for being ashamed. I was ashamed of me being ashamed of my own element, even though I have been blessed with so much, just because something bad happened one day in a row. I have enjoyed so much happiness in Japan. I have been blessed with people, things, and luxuries in the name of education without thinking too much about it, and I have taken advantage of those less fortunate than myself without thinking about them, or rather, only when it is convenient for me to do so. I am still doing so. And now I have experienced discrimination. I've been discriminated against in places I've visited as a tourist, and I'm like, "Terrible!" I'm getting too carried away to think that. You have your own country, you even have England (I think I do, at least I feel I have human rights in Leeds).

An "Informative" Discrimination Experience

I thought about it a lot and cried silently at that night. It was not "I feel sad/frustrated because I was discriminated against," but more thoughts about my helplessness that tormented me.
I returned to Leeds, England. The pain of the sad discrimination experience　has faded with time and sleep. The pleasant memories that were pushed to the edge by the discrimination experience have returned. Consequently, and ironically, the experience turned out to be a "very good experience" in that it brought me depth of thought and immunity to suffering.
I thought it would be easier to understand if I focused on the emotions, but it turned out to be a rather complicated statement. I have analyzed it more deeply and will write about that soon.
Now that I have published this article, would it have been better for the society to write like "discrimination is terrible and  we must stand up for Asians and women"? Nah, I don't like lies. I want to write what I think and feel frankly, really frankly, and I believe it is worth it. I am not sure if this article will be for anyone, but I would be happy if at least those who are planning to go to other country where you become minority, or those who have already had such experiences, will find it useful in some way.