To Realize

Prologue

Her face looks upset, and at the same time, she looks as if she is about to cry.

Her expression is grim in the setting sun.

Recently, she seems to be particularly concerned about a certain member of the club, and her stress seems to be accelerating.

She expressed frustration and anxiety.

Of course, they may be reasonable, but how will the club members feel when they know what she thinks?

She might hurt anyone.

And she herself would be hurt.

Oh, may nobody get hurt.

Chapter 1

The heat of the sun, which burns the body. Chihiro stepped out of the house and shades her own eyes with her hands.

Chihiro said to her family, got on her bicycle, and headed for school.

“I'm off!"

It would soon be summer vacation. The wind ensemble club, she is a member of has club activities even on weekends in preparation for a competition coming up in August.

Was today's schedule ...? Doing the basic, part matching, and ensemble…?

Oh, I also have to teach first-year students how to carry their instruments.
 

Chihiro is the leader of the brass band. She had to keep in mind the practice plan given to her by the teacher.

“Good morning.”

“..Morning.”

Yuri greeted me with a sleepy yawn. Chihiro and Yuri have been friends since elementary school, and Yuri is the sub-leader whose instrument is the flute.

They meet in front of the park and go to school together.

Chihiro practiced hard every day. She was proud of that.

It's now less than a month until the competition.

If they did not win a prize and could not advance to the next competition, they would have to retire. This would be the last competition for Chihiro and the other third-year students.

 

There were still only a few members in the club room.

“Good morning!”

“Hi~ 

Chihiro greeted the juniors, put down her luggage, and took out her instrument.

Chihiro plays the trombone. Although it is not as prominent as the trumpet, which is said to be the flower of the band, the trombone is an instrument that lays the foundation of the music, adds depth, and sometimes even plays the main melody. Chihiro loves the trombone.

 

 

Chapter 2

“Sorry, I'm late~”

“Oh, Konomi, hello.”

Konomi is a third-year student and plays the trombone.

She has hypersensitivity and gets tired more easily than others.

The wind ensemble club, which is considered an athletic cultural club, has not been easy for her, and last year she did not participate in any competitions and missed most of the practices.

This year, being her last year in the club, she is going to participate in a competition.

When the older students graduated, Chihiro was informed of her condition for the first time.

“I have something called hypersensitivity,” she said, “And I'm more sensitive to stimuli than other people. My eyes get tired more easily than other people when looking at screens, and I get sick if I am exposed to the sun for too long.”

“Oh…I see. If you get sick, let me know right away!" 

“Thank you... I don't really want you to do anything in particular, but I just want you to know it can happen.”

“Of course! Let's all work together!” 

It must be so hard to be limited in what she wants to do.

Chihiro sincerely wanted to support Konomi so that she could participate in the club activities.

 

Chihiro knew that last year, she looked at us with envy and a little sadness as we practiced for the competition.

Since becoming a member of the competition, Konomi has been participating in practice much more than last year, but she still misses practice and arrives late or leaves early more often than the other members of the club. 

Every time Konomi wasn't at practice, Chihiro remembered that lonely figure of Konomi.

However, Konomi's absences were becoming more noticeable than before.

Earlier, she had attended Saturday and Sunday practices without being late, but recently she had been late once in every three times and her absences had been increasing.

 

Would we be able to make it in time for the competition at this pace?

We might fail to qualify, let alone win the gold medal.

That would be an absolute disaster. I cannot allow such a thing as a leader.

Thinking about Konomi, who didn't come to practice often, anxiety grew in Chihiro's heart.

 

 

Chapter 3

“Let’s try to match as a part.”

After practicing the basics individually, they practice matching as a part, which are instruments that play roughly the same melody, together.

In addition to Chihiro and Konomi, there are two second-year juniors in the trombone part.

To be honest, Konomi was behind them.

“Okay, then let's play it through from the beginning.”

...

 

Ah, it was obvious that Konomi was out of rhythm. In some places, the sound is blurred or out of tune.

The juniors seemed to be having trouble playing along with Konomi's obviously out-of-rhythm playing.

“Konomi, have you done the part of chapter 15 that I told you to practice the other day?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then can you play it alone?”

 

...

 

Chihiro made her play the part she had pointed out in last week's practice.

Konomi’s performance was a bit rushed, as she was trying to keep up with the metronome, but her lack of practice was evident.

I will have to watch her practice more.

If Chihiro keeps pointing out things to her, it stops the juniors from practicing the whole part as well.

Chihiro sighed. 

 

 

Chapter 4

“Trombone only, play from chapter 14.”

“Yes!”

In the ensemble as a whole club, the teacher, who is the conductor, instructs everyone to play together or to play by parts.

...

“That’s terrible, you guys don't match at all,

“Hey, did you really practice?" 

The ensemble is where I see the balance of the whole, so you have put the individuals together in their parts beforehand.

"Yes."

It's miserable, Chihiro thought.

It’s miserable being pointed out which I know, and it's also miserable that the teacher’s comment is obvious, but I was not able to fix it.

I hate that I, as the leader, am being warned in front of everyone.

Chihiro clenched her fists tightly.

Besides, the reason why our part is not going well is…

Chihiro quietly looked at Konomi, who was standing next to her.

She is the one to blame!

Chihiro's heart was heavy as if a dark weight had been placed on it.

 

After the ensemble is over, I should watch Konomi's practice privately.

Don't worry, there is still time. We can improve by the next time.

Chihiro told herself this, but her gloomy feeling did not disappear.

 

  

 

The ensemble was long.

Especially after lunch, the students got sleepy, and the long hours of practice in this humid room make them sweat.

The sound of cicadas in the distance seemed to add to the heat.

 

“…Chihiro, I'm feeling a little under the weather.… Can I go to the nurse's office?

Chihiro turned to face Konomi and heard her whispering to Chihiro.

 

How many times has Konomi left her seat during an ensemble?

Chihiro can't help but to thinks ‘Not again’.

 

"Yeah, tell the teacher before you go.”

Chihiro no longer even says the word “Are you okay?".

Chihiro's heart was filled with frustration and impatience as she watched Konomi leave the clubroom.

 

 

Oh, we really don't have enough time.

 We can't finish.

 I keep getting problems, no matter how long I practice.

 I want to practice too,

but if I don't watch Konomi's practice, I would be warned again. 

And yet, Konomi doesn't participate in practice at all,

I want to throw it all away.

 

 

 

Chapter 5

“Chihiro, your face is scary.”

Yuri, who was walking next to me, said, pushing my bike to the school gate.

“Konomi...she's really going to be in trouble if she goes with this pace."

Chihiro sighed deeply.

"But her body is weak, right?"

“Um…she gets tired easily rather than her body being weak. But even so, she hasn't practiced enough, it is the third time in this week that she's late 

...And when she leaves early, it's always when she's being warned, you know? Do you really think it's purely because she's sick?"

 “Hmmm….”

 Then Yuri was silent for a moment.

"Isn't Konomi doing her best?"

“Well, it's not that she's not doing her best, but let's put it this way, it's because she can’t play that the part is not coming together, right? Does she understand that?”

 “I see ....”

Yuri replied vaguely.

  

Chihiro was not aware of the look of concern on Yuri's face at this time.

  

 

Chapter 6

“Next Saturday, we will go through each part to see the progress you’re making." 

It was less than a month before the competition when the teacher told us this. 

I had to improve by the time the teacher arrived so that I wouldn't be warned about the same thing as the last ensemble practice.

I can't say I have plenty of time, but if I manage to work hard now, I might be able to do it.

After the teacher's talk, Chihiro immediately gathered the members of the trombone part and tried to make a plan.

"As it is now, the trombone section is pretty disjointed within the club, so I think everyone has to have more practice sessions together.

So, Konomi, I want you to attend all the practices as much as possible.”

“I might leave early for one-day practice…”

 

That's not good.

Chihiro thinks right away.

If Konomi can't attend practice, it will affect the schedules of the other members.

Besides, is she really sick? Isn’t she trying to escape from club activities with the excuse of her health?

 Looking at her attitude toward her club activities, she is not slacking off, but she doesn't seem to be that serious either.

  

“I know you’re not feeling well, but if you keep practicing like this, we won't be able to keep up with each other, and if we keep practicing with you, we won't be able to keep up at all, and we won't make it in time for the competition.”

Chihiro wondered for a moment if she had said the wrong thing. However, there was no way she could take back the words she had said due to Chihiro's frustration.

“….I’m not taking a break because I want to." 

For the first time, Konomi defies Chihiro.

Her brow wrinkled and she seemed to be angry.

 “You mean I’ve become a liability,” she said. 

Chihiro was about to say, "Yes," when she realized it was a bad idea to say it and shut up.

“I'm so hurt, and I don't want to do it if you say things like that."

Chihiro felt the blood drain from her face as she listened to Konomi's words.

 What abusive and condemnatory words I had said to her.

 

After that, Chihiro didn't get any practice at all.

Those words of rejection. It was as if I was telling her that she was a burden and a nuisance. 

What am I going to do?

 I said what I said because that's how my heart felt from the beginning.

  

From the next practice, Konomi stopped coming.

 

It was my fault.

She hated me.

I'm afraid of what people will think of me.

Chihiro was angry at herself for hurting people and worrying about what they thought of her.

  

“I'll get some water.”

Chihiro wanted to be alone.

Chihiro sighed deeply and huddled next to the empty water machine.

 
I didn't mean to hurt her.

I just thought I needed more practice, and…and I didn't know what I should have done.

I also made the air in the trombone part worse.

 I must have frightened the juniors.

 

Chihiro couldn't stop feeling self-loathing.

 

Chapter 7

"Chihiro...?"

I looked up and saw Yuri standing there.

Chihiro stood up in a hurry.

“What's wrong?”

“…I…I…did something..." 

When I saw Yuri's face, Chihiro wanted to tell Yuri how she was feeling. She wanted someone to listen to me.

“What did you do?”

“I said terrible things to Konomi.”

When Chihiro tried to say how she felt, the tears that she had been suppressing welled up.

“I really did a terrible thing,

What am I going to do?, Konomi might quit the club activities…

I didn't want to hurt her,

I didn't know I was hurting you like that.” 

Yuri nodded and listened as she rubbed Chihiro’s back in the back. 

“It's my fault...”

Tears were falling down.

“I also feel that I'm at fault, but Konomi is at fault too. I'm judging her…

 I don't know why I'm such a terrible person,

 But I don't want others to hate me.

 I want to be forgiven.

I really want to relate to people with love.”

 

After Chihiro's tears subsided, Yuri began to speak slowly.

“When you get frustrated, it's when things don't go your way, isn't it?

I think that when that happens, that person must have his or her own circumstances and is trying hard to live his or her life.

 Everyone…. everyone is living their life to the fullest.

Konomi is living her life as hard as she can,

You're living your life as hard as you can, too,

I'm living my life as hard as I can, too.”

 

Yuri said in a calm voice.

 

“Everyone is living desperately, so it would be good if we could help each other and forgive each other.”

 “I want to be like that, too." 

“You can be.”

I want to change.

She thought from the bottom of her heart.

  

 

Chapter 8 

Chihiro has changed little by little since then.

She apologized to Konomi, and Konomi started coming to club activities.

“Konomi, I want to go over this part with you, so why don't we do it?”

“What do you think?"

She tries her best not to impose her opinions not only on Konomi but also on others.

“Are you feeling okay?" 

“I'm fine, but I might want to take a break in a little while!”

"Okay!"

Konomi also makes sure to take regular breaks before she gets tired, and she also brings along some summer heat-prevention goods, so she rarely has to leave early anymore.

 

  

“Chihiro, are you nervous?"

On the day of the competition, Yuri spoke to Chihiro as they were leaving the rehearsal room.

“I'm nervous, but I also feel like I'm going to do my best.”

Chihiro was smiling. She didn't have the angry, tearful look she had a month ago.

“Yes, let's do it.”

“Please get ready backstage.”

The call is made, and it's time to go on stage.

 

Chihiro's back seems dependable as she walked onto the stage.