20190323_IDIYによる英作文の添削②

20190319 昨日と同じ講師にて英作文を添削してもらう。
"Thank you very much for requesting me to help edit your lovely writing today."と18日の添削にてコメントをもらったので、lovely writing だって！と嬉しくなったため。簡単にのせられてますがな。

■提出 英作文
①Why did not that old man accept my proposal?
②I’d give the way to increase efficiency at work, but he denied my fabulous plan.
③My boss said to me that he assumed he was always right and he didn't know the progressive system.
④I was so disappointed that I cried.

■添削結果
①Why did that old man decline my proposal?
②I'd shown how to increase efficiency at work, but he turned down my fabulous plan.
③My boss said to me that he assumed he was always right and he didn't understand the progressive system.
④I was so disappointed that I cried.

■添削個所
①「どうして受け入れないんだろう？」は「どうして否定するんだろう」の意味に添削された。確かにその方が伝わりやすいなあ。でも否定疑問文が合ってるか知りたかった…
②I'dってI would のつもりで入れたが完了になっていて、ん？となった。
・turn down
・「思い込む」の単語がすぐに出てこなくて検索してassumeにした。
③「知らなかった」という和訳からknowを使ったけど、英語脳で考えればunderstandを閃くべきだった。和訳から英語を作ってしまった結果である。
④泣いてないけど泣いていたことにした。

20190321　もう少し難しい英文に挑戦。(書くことがなくて歴史の話をしたかった)

■提出英作文
①Today, I wanna talk about history.
②Do you know ”Battle of Nagashino”?
③I thought the battle was the important point to change how Samurai fought, but it was uncovered that recently common belief was wrong.
④Please read the details of the battle, because Samurai’s record is very exciting!

■添削結果
①Today, I want to talk about history.
②Have you heard of the "Battle of Nagashino"?
③I thought the battle marked a change in how the Samurai fought, but it was recently uncovered that this common belief was wrong.
④Please read the details of the battle, because the history of the Samurai is very exciting!

■添削個所
②「～って知ってる？」は Have you heard of～？を使えばnatural.
③mark…印をつける→特色づける
(例文) He said his inauguration marked more than a change of administration and a change of party.
彼は，自身の就任式には政権交代や政党の交代以上の意味があると述べた。
③品詞分解すると…
the battle marked(特徴づける) a change in(～の点で) how(疑問詞「どのように～か」)

20190321　桜の開花について

■提出英作文
①In japan it is getting wamer and wamer.
②Today, Sakura(cherry bloossoms) bloomed in Yasukuni shurine which grows sample trees.
③Many of cherry bloossms are spiece of Someiyoshino.
④But anyway, all of Someiyoshino in japan are originally one tree.
⑤There is the origin tree in Rikugien garden at Komagome, Tokyo.

■添削
①It is getting warmer and warmer in Japan.
②Today, the Sakura (cherry blossoms) bloomed in the grounds of the Yasukuni shrine.
③Many of the cherry blossoms are a species of "Someiyoshino".
④Having said that, all Someiyoshino trees in Japan originate from one tree.
⑤The original tree can be found in Rikugien garden in Komagome, Tokyo.

■辞書で検索した箇所・添削箇所
①It is getting warmer and warmer. 便利～！
②「靖国神社に生えている」桜の木、は "in the ground of the Yasukuni shirine"
③a species of ～「～の種」
④originate from ～「～を起源とする」
⑤わたし「can be ってことは…(ソメイヨシノが株分けで増えた木ですべての木がクローンであることを)信じてないな…？説明すれば良かった～！」

20190323_友達とカラオケに行く

■英文原稿
①Today I was off, so I went to karaoke with my friend since high school.
②She is good for singing, and she has uploaded her song on video sharing site, called Niconico. 
③There are also composers making original music, and she has sang these music.

■添削結果
①Today I was off, so I went to karaoke with a friend that I've known since high school.
②She is good at singing, and she has uploaded her songs on a video sharing site called Niconico.
③She has also sung original music by composers.

■コメント
①Today I was off は「すごくnative」とコメントで褒められた。
②be good at (忘れてた)
③「オリジナル楽曲を投稿する作曲家がいて、彼女はそういった曲を歌う」の意味で原文を書いたが、nativeへの翻訳依頼なので、へたくそな英語の原文では意味が通じなかったみたいだ。

■結論
nativeに依頼をしてきたが、もともとの英語の原文がハチャメチャだと、表現したい英語の修正で返ってこないことがある。表現に自信がない場合は、英語専門家(日本人のこと)に依頼をかけるほうが良い。