The box 13

"Sorry, Saki-chan."

Having said that, my mother is
more often asleep in bed.

After my father left,
my mother's condition deteriorated
for a long time.

She looked not only pale
but thin, and she seemed to be ill.

She couldn't do anything day by day,
and she slept in bed most of the time.

She didn't really have
the lunch boxes I bought.

Besides, my mother was often crying.

I frequently heard the sound of snoring
from her room.

Therefore, I was worried about my mother
and sometimes looked after her face.

While she lied and slept sideways,
she shed many huge dear drops.

She kept flowing them
without noticing me.

She used to have a fair skin
around her eyes.

However, it become getting red,
since she kept crying.

And then, her tears made her eyes blur
and it also hollow her own fair skin
around her eyes.

Originally, she had a baby-face and
looked like a child.

That is, she even looked like
my classmates at the time.

Actually, I didn't look like my mother.

My face and height were
similar to my father.

My mother sometimes called me
and said
"Saki-chan....I want to die."

Each time, I was crying and shouting,
"No! I don't want you to die".

That kind of thing happened
many times.

In such cases,
that's happened.

My mom called me abruptly,
and talked to me.

"Saki-chan. Do you like your mom?"

I replied her soon.
"Yup"

Then, she said,
"Mom also loves Saki-chan"

I was very happy.

She was a mother who only said
"I want to die".

She was a mother who didn't notice me
even if I was sitting in front of her.

Such a mother finally said that
she loves me.

However, the joy disappeared with
her next one word.

"Please kill your mom."

When I heard it,
my mind was frozen.

I couldn't think of anything.

I remember it because
it was my first experience.

However, on the contrary,
I don't remember the rest.

I lost my mind before I knew it, and
I woke up to find that
it was the next morning.

I got up and turned on the electric heater
in the living room.

I did it as usual so as to prepare
the breakfast for my mother.

Even though it's breakfast,
I can only prepare a cup of milk and
a slice of unbaked bread with
strawberry fruits jam.

Even in the third grade of
elementary school, I think there are some
children who can make a better breakfast.

But I couldn't.

Even if I thought my mother wouldn't eat,
I took it for her.

However, when I entered the room and
shook my mother over the futon,
she didn't wake up.

I looked into the sleeping face
of my mother.

I remember it was so beautiful.

I had become prank.

I put my cold hands on my mother's face
and decided to wake her up.

I put my palms on my mother's cheek.

The next moment,
I suddenly pulled my hands back.

My mother's face was colder
than my cold hands.

"Mother"

I called out to my mother.

No matter how many times I called her
and shook her body,
she would not wake up.

I was upset and got confused.

I managed to get up my mother.

Her body was as hard as an ornament.

Over time, I finally
woke her upper body up.

I was able to sit her body toward the wall
next to the head side of the bed.

In short, I let her upper body lean
against the wall.

Even if I did that,
my mother wouldn't wake up.

My mother was dead.

My mother died,
but I didn't cry.

It didn't mean that
I wasn't sad.

I imagined that my mother would die
when she said that she wanted to die.

Just by imagining,
a deep sadness washes over me.

However, when my mother died,
I felt like I had to cover my emotion
with something else...

The sad feeling seemed to be suppressed,
and I couldn't express it properly.

Something that pressed my expression
was more of a mood than a feeling.

It was strange.

I think that I was in a
depression state.

And then, I didn't know what to do.

I brought flowers
that my mother liked.

I brought them with potted plants.

Besides, I laid it on a low shelf
which has a drawer
attached by her bed.

I don't know why I did that.

I brought potted plants one after another
and placed them around her bed.

I also took out my mother's favorite clothes
from the closet.

I put them on my mother's lap,
or I laid something that she liked on her bed.

I was absorbed in decorating
my mother and her bed.

When I was doing that kind of thing,
the sun was tilted.

It became dark and it was hard to see
in the room.

Thus, I decided to turn on the light
of my mother's room.

Then, suddenly,
I came to myself to find that
the room was truly quiet.

The squealing sound of table clock was
ringing louder than usual.

‥

"Saki-chan"

It was my mother's voice.

My mother called me in the dark.

"..."

I was surprised at it
and couldn't reply.

"Thank you"

Mother thanked me.

"Yup……"

I replied with small voice.

I felt calm and I was relieved.

I returned to my room without
turning on the light of her room.

Then, I slept to faint.

4,643 letters