The Real Me

The Real me, The person who doesn't know itself.

I've heard from my mom, I used to cry a lot when I was a kid. I continued to cry for a long time, not because I was hungry or a little hurt, but because I did not know how to stop.

Nothing has changed. But now, when I was crying in my heart, no one noticed it. I became very sensitive to the words I hear from people around me by voice or text. Left alone I became who always feels sad for no reason.

Now I'm the person who always feels lonely and cold the person who never felt warmth whenever I feel sad and always feel alone. I never became close to anyone so I can tell about my feelings, what bothers me.

In opposite, I hold everything in my chest. I look down every time someone says bad about me when I do something improperly, as I'm always wrong. I see many people say rude things about me to show off themself. And cry about That at night in my bed. It's worse when family members do that to me. Ignores me like I am nothing.

Now I'm living at my home no-one is here surrounding me. Always hungry, alone, and lonely. In the last few days, I have been watching something I saw someone who has no feelings the loneliest person who speaks about 

"It's Just Okey to be Like that"

It's not okey for me, I can not hold everything it in my heart. I'm crying every word I'm typing. But now i know that i am different. I born like that. It's okey now i got used to it. 

I told someone that I'm going through a bad time. First time who said to me not to cry when i was crying my heart. Who also taught me to relieve my self. It really felt warm reading that message. Thank You, Thank You so much for checking on me and staying by my side. 

I know we can never meet, we have never talked by voice. We have never seen each other. But you truly are an amazing person. Your words in NOTE always spoke to me said me to hold on. 

I may can never change myself but i try my best to do so. I always hope tomorrow will be a batter day. 

Thank you for reading it to end. If you also don't have someone you can share your thoughts, I will always listen to it. Just hold to it you can also get away with that.

#mylife