I must do it

I came to Norway, believing that here lies answer. I have always liked music, singing and playing guitar.

But its not that I had an exceptional talent nor, biggest passion towards music. I don't even have an impressive story behind how I started as a musician. And I do think I am a little more handsome than the others but I am aware that I am just above average and not like handsome enough to be screamed at by girls at all.

Maybe this, and my shy personality, and the way I grew up made is so difficult for me to find what I want to do.
I was never sure about what I really want and I am still not sure.

I have also been mentally weak, even a doctor wrote it in his medial chart when I was taken to the hospital in the middle of night with a strong stomachache. I was low key offended at that time, but looking back I have to admit it. This may have also resulted in my physical weakness. I get sick a lot, like a lot. And this makes me depressed.
My parents have been always super nice to me, nice as kind but also they didn't give me assignment that much. They wanted to do everything for me. And I get it. That's what's parents want for kids.

I met my best friend in university. also mixed, singer, like me. He was so social and funny. He was so lazy and irresponsible yet very confident and consistent.
I learned that the world gets much easier by just being confident and not be afraid of being innocent.

And my second best friend, who I currently live together. He is so different from me. He is also funny, and popular and sometimes too forward. I never thought we would get along but we did. He sometimes makes me feel so small to be honest. But he is the person, who made me realize that I am great already and I don't need to change anything. We are like rain and sun. When its too sunny and dry, I pour some rain to bring moisture, and when its too wet and boring, He shines on me and open up a party.

So these encounters have brought me to where I am and after a long minor depression and trial and errors and a period when I was doing nothing but breathing, I finally decided to study music in Norway.

And I already miss Japan and and even feel like moving back to Japan, persuing career somehow.

Yes, I am not sure about anything. No I am not. Damn it.

But I am sure that I will try my best with music. I will work as hard as I can until I no longer can. That's not only way I will be certain about who I am.
I can choose to be anything else, go anywhere.

But I need to see whats up there. I can't just complain and go in circle at the bottom of the mountain. I need to climb a mountain to see whats up there.
I must do it. I want to do it. And I will do it.