An Arrogant Believer’s Process of Transformation (Part 2)

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Under God’s care and protection, my illness gradually improved. One day, the church leader arranged for me to take on hosting duties. After hearing this I felt very unwilling to do it. I believed that acting as a host was a waste of my abilities, but I also couldn’t refuse, so I grudgingly agreed. While I was hosting, some brothers and sisters were meeting at my house and they asked me to be outside the door to keep watch. Once again my inner thoughts arose: Just acting as a host, keeping an eye on the door—what will I get out of this? In the past I stood behind the pulpit and I was so haughty, but in my duty today I don’t have any face or any status. My rank is so low! So after a period of time, my internal resistance became greater and greater, I felt more and more wronged, and I was no longer willing to fulfill that duty. Later I could no longer hold myself back and said to the church leader: “You need to give me another duty to perform. All of you are preaching the gospel and caring for the church, but I’m at home acting as a host and guarding the door—what will I get in the future?” That sister smiled and said: “You’re mistaken. In front of God, there is no major or minor duty, there is no greater or lesser status. No matter what duty we’re performing, we each perform our own function. The church is a whole unit with different functions, but it is one body. Let’s look at a passage of God’s words.” Then she read this passage to me: “In the current stream, all those who truly love God have the opportunity to be perfected by Him. Whether they are young or old, as long as they keep an obedience to God in their hearts and revere Him, they can be perfected by Him. God perfects people according to their different functions. So long as you exert all of your strength, and submit to the work of God, you can be perfected by Him. At present, none of you is perfect. Sometimes you are capable of performing one type of function, and other times you can perform two. Just as long as you do your utmost to expend yourself for God, you will ultimately be perfected by Him” (“On Everyone Performing Their Function” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). After listening to these words of God and the sister’s fellowship, my heart settled and brightened. I thought: So, God’s perfection of people does not depend on whether or not they have status, or what duty they do; what God makes perfect is people’s hearts, their obedience, and their loyalty. What He looks at is whether they end up having a change in disposition. No matter what duty they perform, as long as they can give it their all and are utterly devout, and if they can also focus on pursuing the truth and cast off their corrupt disposition, then they can be perfected by God. Even though different people perform different functions in the church, the goal is always to satisfy God. They are all fulfilling the duty of a creation. If we really fulfill our duty as created beings for the sake of satisfying God without personal intentions or impurities, even if others look down on the duty we are performing and think it’s not worth much, in God’s eyes it is cherished and treasured. If we perform our duty only to satisfy our own intentions and desires, no matter how great our work and what duty we perform, it will not please God. After that, I saw these words from God: “But regardless of whether they are blessed or cursed, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the very least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not do your duty only to be blessed, and you should not refuse to act for fear of being cursed” (“The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). I understood from these words of God that as a creation, fulfillment of my duty is right and proper. I should not have my own choice, and I definitely should not discuss conditions or conduct transactions with God. If my belief in God and the fulfillment of my duty are to gain blessings or a crown, then they are from an improper perspective, and are without good conscience and reason. I was reluctant to do “small work” and to fulfill “small duties”—didn’t that mean that I was being dominated by the intent to gain blessings and the ambition to pursue status? In my mind, I believed that God would like me if I had status and power and could do great work and lead others, and I believed that the more I worked, the more I would receive God’s praise, and the more I would be rewarded by Him. So I would not let go of status, and I was always seeking to do great work and perform great duties so that in the end I would receive a great crown. It was precisely because I harbored such an erroneous viewpoint that I felt dissatisfied with the duty the church had arranged for me, so much so that I misunderstood God’s will. I complained about it and believed that fulfilling the duty of a host was making little use of my great skills, that it was a way of looking down on me. I was so arrogant and ignorant! Under the judgment of God’s words, I once again felt ashamed. And also because of the enlightenment from God’s words, I understood His will. I knew what type of person God likes, what type of person He perfects, and what type of person disgusts Him. I gained a heart of obedience for God. After that I set my will in front of God and was willing to be the smallest, most unassuming person in the church, to complete my duty as a host, to safeguard our surroundings, to allow my brothers and sisters to meet at my house in peace without being disturbed. I would use practical actions to comfort God’s heart.

Through this experience, I realized how great God’s words are, that He has expressed the truth and all of His will to save mankind. We only need to diligently read His words to understand the truth in all things, to understand His will, to resolve our own notions and beliefs. From then on, I developed more of a thirst for His words, and I started getting up at four or five every morning to read His words. After some time, I was able to remember a portion of His words, I gained a small grasp of His will, and I truly enjoyed it in my heart. Later on, there was a brother responsible for the work of the gospel who frequently stayed at my home. Several times when he was preaching the gospel and encountered difficulties, he asked me to look for God’s words to resolve them. He saw that I could find them very quickly, and after that as soon as he ran into problems he would ask me to help find some words from God. He really admired me. Unintentionally, my arrogant nature once again started acting up. I thought to myself: Despite the fact that you’re responsible for preaching the gospel, I still have to help you resolve issues. You haven’t read the word of God as much as I have, and you don’t understand as much of it as I do. I have already gained the truth. If I were in charge of preaching the gospel, I would definitely be better at it than you are. So in my heart I began to look down on my brother, and after a while I even started to give him the cold shoulder. One day, the church leader came to my house and asked me: “How have you been doing recently?” Full of confidence, I replied: “I’ve been fine. I read God’s words and pray every day. That brother has seen that I understand quite a bit of God’s word, so he’s always having me help him find words from God to resolve issues….” The church leader heard the arrogance in what I said, and picked up a book of God’s words and said: “Let’s read a few passages of His words. God says: ‘Because the greater their status, the greater their ambition; the more they understand of the doctrines, the more arrogant their dispositions become. If, in your belief in God, you do not pursue the truth, and instead pursue status, then you’re in danger’ (“People Make Too Many Demands of God” in Records of Christ’s Talks). ‘Regardless of which aspect of the reality of truth you have heard, if you hold yourself up against it, if you carry out these words in your own life, and incorporate them into your own practice, you will definitely gain something, and will definitely change. If you stuff these words into your belly, and memorize them in your brain, then you will never change. … you must lay a good foundation. If, at the very beginning, you lay a foundation of letters and doctrines, then you’ll be in trouble. It’s like when people build a house on a beach: The house will be in danger of collapse no matter how high you build it, and won’t last for long’ (“The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person” in Records of Christ’s Talks).” After hearing these words of God, I was utterly ashamed. I realized that my own arrogant satanic nature was coming out again. In my belief in the Lord Jesus in the past, I had focused on gaining deep knowledge and understanding theories in the Bible, and I used that as a basis for being high and mighty, for becoming more and more arrogant. Now I was fortunate that I could read so much truth in God’s words, but I had gone back onto my old path and was relying on my own intellect. I had memorized some sentences from His words and believed that I had gained the truth; I once again became arrogant and wouldn’t listen to anyone. I vied for status with others and competed with them. It really was so shameful! I saw that equipping oneself with literal theories can only make one more and more arrogant, and that only understanding the truth from God’s words can change people’s disposition and enable them to live as human beings. That brother had believed in God longer than I had and he understood more than I did, but he was able to humbly seek my help. This really was a strength of his, and it was a fruit born of his experience of God’s work and word, and of his understanding of the truth. Not only did I not learn from him and focus on putting the word of God into practice in my life, and live out proper humanity, but I looked down on him and gave him the cold shoulder. I truly was arrogant, blind, and ignorant! My heart at that time was in so much pain. I felt that this arrogant nature of mine was truly shameful and ugly. It was too disgusting! And this type of arrogance to the point that lacked all reason very easily offends God’s disposition. Without changing myself, without genuinely pursuing the truth I only could have ruined myself. When I realized all of this, I truly felt that the judgment and chastisement in God’s words really were His love and salvation for me. This caused me to feel some hatred for my own arrogant nature, and I understood that in my belief in God, I should pursue the truth and pursue a change in disposition.

After that had passed, I began to look for the root of my arrogance and lack of reason, for what was guiding my thinking, what made me frequently expose my satanic nature of arrogance. One day, I saw these words from God: “Everything Satan does is for itself. It wishes to surpass God, break free of Him, and wield power itself, and to possess all of the things that God has created; therefore, man’s nature is Satan’s nature. … Man’s satanic nature contains a great deal of philosophy. Sometimes you yourself are not even aware of that and do not understand it, yet every moment of your life is based on it. Moreover, you think that this philosophy is quite correct, reasonable, and not mistaken. Satan’s philosophy has become people’s truth, and they are living in complete accordance with Satan’s philosophy, without rebelling against it in the slightest. Therefore, they are constantly revealing their satanic nature, and in all aspects, they constantly live by their satanic philosophy. Satan’s nature is man’s life” (“How to Take the Path of Peter” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Pondering these words of God, my heart brightened more and more. I thought: It turns out that after mankind was corrupted by Satan, our nature also became as arrogant, as unruly, and without worship of God as Satan itself, and we pursue others thinking highly of us and worshiping ourselves as if we were God. Through societal influence and the words from famous people, Satan has instilled its thinking, its philosophy of life and its laws of survival into the human heart, becoming something that people rely on in their lives; these are guiding mankind’s thinking, dominating their actions, and causing them to become more and more arrogant and unreasonable. I reflected on the fact that since I was a child I was bullied and discriminated against and I began to envy those who had power and status. In addition, the satanic laws of survival of “One should rise above others and bring honor to his ancestors,” “People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward,” and “I am my own lord throughout heaven and earth” had been firmly implanted in my heart from an early age, dominating my life. So, whether it was out in the world or in the church, I was doing my utmost to pursue status and reputation; I was seeking to rank higher than others, to be in charge of others. Poisoned by these toxins from Satan, I saw myself very highly; I saw myself as really great. I would always put my qualifications of being a longtime believer in the face of my brothers and sisters and compare my strengths to other people’s weaknesses. Everything was beneath my notice and I always had the final say, and I was so arrogant that I even believed myself sent from God, and I wanted to reign as king together with God. These poisons of Satan had made me so arrogant that I had lost my human reason. Just like Satan, I wanted to seize power in everything, and I wanted an elevated position to rule over mankind. What I was living out was entirely the image of Satan, the devil. These poisons of Satan harmed me so terribly, so deeply. I prayed to God, saying: “Oh God, I am no longer willing to live based on these things. I have suffered terribly for them, I have been living in unbearable ugliness and have disgusted You. Oh God, I am willing to do my utmost to pursue the truth, to become a proper person who truly has a conscience and reason, to live out the likeness of a true person, to comfort Your heart. Oh God, I beg You not to take Your judgment and chastisement away from me, I beg for Your work to purify me. As long as it is possible for me to change my disposition and live out the likeness of a true person and be gained by You soon, I am willing to accept even more severe judgment, chastisement, smiting, and discipline from You.”

One day, I read God’s words saying: “God possesses no elements of self-righteousness or self-importance, or those of conceit and arrogance; He possesses no elements of crookedness. Everything that disobeys God comes from Satan; Satan is the source of all ugliness and wickedness. The reason that man has qualities similar to those of Satan is because man has been corrupted and worked on by Satan. Christ has not been corrupted by Satan, hence He possesses only the characteristics of God, and none of the characteristics of Satan” (“The Substance of Christ Is Obedience to the Will of the Heavenly Father” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). My heart was once again moved by God’s words. God is so lofty and great, yet so humble and hidden. In His work amongst man, He has never testified that He Himself is God, nor has He publicized His identity or position, much less style Himself as God. Instead, He lives, unknown and unrecognized, amongst man, expressing the truth to supply and guide man, and performing His work to save mankind. God is so great, so holy, and in His life there are no elements of self-rightness and self-importance, because Christ Himself is the truth, the way, and the life. He is supreme as well as humble and lovely. Seeing what Christ has and is, I felt even more how shameless and ignorant my arrogance is. I longed to follow the example of Christ, and I was willing to pursue living out the likeness of a true person to satisfy God. After that, following Christ’s example and living out the likeness of a true person became the goal that I pursued.

Once, I read a passage of God’s words and I could not understand it. I didn’t know what it meant, but for the sake of saving face, I was unwilling to put myself aside and seek fellowship with my brothers and sisters. I was afraid they would look down on me because I had always resolved other people’s issues and had never brought up any of my own problems to seek help from others. Afterward, I realized that my unwillingness to open up to fellowship was still the domination of my arrogant nature and not wanting to be looked down on by others. I rebelled against the flesh to seek fellowship with my brothers and sisters. I had never imagined that not only did they not look down on me, but they patiently communicated God’s will with me, and my difficulty was very quickly resolved. There was another time that a brother had me deliver a letter related to the work of the church. Because of my arrogance and that I completed the task based on my own ideas, it wasn’t delivered on time. When he saw that it was going to hold up the work, this brother became very anxious. He dealt with me and exposed me. At the time I was very uncomfortable and felt embarrassed, but I also knew that this was God dealing with me and pruning aspects of me. It was God testing whether or not I had obedience, and whether or not I could put the truth into practice. I prayed to God: “Oh God, today I was dealt with by my brother, I felt uncomfortable. I also wanted to resist it because I was always in the higher position and scolding others, and I had never submitted to the truth. I was always living out the image of Satan. Now, I have experienced so much of Your work and I understand that a person who is able to accept being dealt with and pruned is the most reasonable. This is a person who is obedient to God and fearful of God. Only this type of person has integrity and a human likeness. Now I am willing to forsake my own flesh with a heart of loving God. I am willing for You to move my heart, to realize my resolution.” After this prayer, I felt much peace and enjoyment in my heart. I was able to put aside my own face and status and was happy to accept being pruned and dealt with by my brother. After that happened, my brother was concerned that I would be unwilling to accept all this, so he communicated with me on God’s will. I talked about my understanding about my own experiences. We laughed about it together, and from my heart I gave thanks for God’s salvation, for Him changing me.

So, through time after time of Almighty God’s judgment and chastisement, my arrogant disposition was gradually changed. I could become a low-key person, I was no longer so arrogant and unwilling to listen to others. Whatever came up, I no longer had to have the final say. I could solicit the opinions of my brothers and sisters on some issues, and I could collaborate harmoniously with them. I had finally had a little bit of human likeness. Since then, I feel that I have become a much simpler person. I live so easily, so happily. I give thanks to Almighty God’s salvation of me. Without His salvation, I would still be struggling bitterly in the midst of darkness and sin without ever being able to escape from corruption. Without God’s salvation, my nature would only have become more and more arrogant, even having people worship me like God, to the point of offending God’s disposition and suffering His punishment yet being oblivious to it. Through time after time of God’s judgment and chastisement, I saw that His love is so real, and that He has always used His love to move me, waiting for me to turn myself around. No matter how rebellious I was, no matter how hard I was to deal with, how many complaints and misunderstandings I had of God, He had never made an issue of it. He had still painstakingly set up every type of environment to wake up my heart, to awaken my spirit, to rescue me from the affliction of Satan, to let me live in the light of God and walk the true path of human life. God was patient and waited more than 20 years, paying an immeasurable price for me. God’s love truly is vast and immense! Now, God’s judgment and chastisement have become my treasure; they are also a precious source of wealth from my experiences and something I will never be able to forget. This suffering has value and meaning. Although I still fall far short of God’s requirements, I am confidently pursuing a change in disposition, and I’m willing to more deeply experience God’s judgments and chastisements. I believe that He can surely turn me into a true person who can be compatible with Him.

                                    Source From: The Church of Almighty God Website
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