New beginnings

Oh, well, where do I even begin? I guess we'll ask the question: What are you even doing here?! One of the main reasons I am starting this is to express myself and share my story with whoever reads this. I know what you're saying: "Why not just journal these thoughts down?" Well, I would, but I have a tendency to lose certain things (journals), and I also don’t have the best penmanship :/ so there’s also that. So that leads to the next question: Why here of all places? Going back to what I said earlier, I want to express myself and be able to do so publicly, even if it’s on a foreign app (it gives me a sense of comfort). I can do the same thing on an app that can be posted to the people around me and generally in the same country, but I guess there is some fear in that. So, I know what you’re gonna ask next: “Who cares what other people think?” Now, while you are right, I don’t want to exactly take such a big leap and would like to take baby steps, so I ask that you respect that decision :) Now, I guess it’s finally time to lay down my thoughts.

Here’s to you:
So I’m gonna sum this story up pretty quickly since I don’t want to entirely make this post about them. I have been on and off with this person and have been having mixed emotions throughout that entire time. This person would make me feel special in one moment, then in the next, completely take that away. They dragged me along for well over a year, and although we were never “official,” the thing that hurts the most is the thought of what could have been. It wasn’t until last night where I finally got that push to let go. I won’t go into detail as to what that push was, but all I’m gonna say is that this person could have been more mature and gave me an answer a looong time ago instead of giving me false hope. Now, I can be upset about all this; I could be down with my mood, I can be upset and angry, but where will that get me? What would it achieve? The only outlook I have with this is that I’ve always wanted her to be successful and for her to be happy, and from the looks of it, that’s where she is headed. So to that, I bid you farewell ;)

Francisco (yes like the city):

So now that leads us to today (I’m gonna be jumping around dates, but just try to follow along). Here I am now in puerto Vallarta; some would even call it paradise. Yet, I have so many mixed emotions at the moment. I’m trying my best to block it out. Prior to this trip, I had to do two things that were very difficult. The first was saying, “I’ll see you later” to someone I’ll elaborate more on as this story continues, and the next was saying goodbye to my best friend (the dog that you see pictured in this article). Life has a weird way of working, I suppose. Everything can be fine in one moment, and a couple of seconds later, it can take such a drastic turn.

The night before the trip, I got home late and noticed how he was laying down in the family room. I accidentally woke him up, and he went into his usual excitement. I went over to play with him and put him back to sleep since I was so tired and had a really early morning for my flight in a couple of hours. I packed last minute as usual and went to bed, only to be woken up by my alarm. I went to the family room as usual to greet him as I always do but noticed that my grandma had let him out to do his business, so I thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until an hour later when I was leaving for my flight when I let him back in and noticed he wasn’t his usual self. It wasn’t until he got to the light that I noticed he was bleeding on all parts of his body. I’m not gonna go into what happens next, but to sum it up, he was attacked by an animal, and as I’m rushing to try and help him, I was forced to leave my best friend due to this flight. As much as I wanted to stay, I knew that it wasn’t an option. I then had to leave because my grandma was pushing me away, telling me everything was going to be alright. I continued to tell myself that. It wasn’t until hours later that I found out he was gone. While I didn’t get the chance to truly say goodbye, I can at least give myself peace with the fact I got to hold him one last time. And while I wasn’t there in the end, I know he wasn’t alone during his final hours.

Sorry, I seem to lose track of myself when I write. I kind of just lose track of everything.

Aya:
Jumping back about a week was the meeting of a new friend, “Aya.” Meeting Aya about a week ago was a turning point for me. Introduced by a mutual friend, Aya's presence has filled me with eternal gratitude. In this short time, she has become more than a friend; she's a guiding light on my journey. Aya's kind and beautiful soul inspires me to be the best version of myself and to extend that kindness to others. I'm grateful for the new path she's opened in this journey called life.

Isn't it fascinating how life orchestrates its own rhythm? As we release our grip on one person, the universe often introduces us to someone new, weaving fresh connections into the tapestry of our lives. In the quiet moments of bidding farewell to a dear friend, we find ourselves standing on the threshold of opportunity, where the seeds of a new companionship can sprout and blossom into something profoundly beautiful. It's a dance of transitions, where the closing of one chapter inevitably gives rise to the unfolding of another, painting our stories with the colors of new beginnings.