「餓鬼ども！」第一話（お試し小説）

納得いかない境遇

　たこ焼き、フランクフルト、りんごアメ、イカの姿焼き、ベビーカステラ。初詣客で賑わうお寺の境内には、美味しそうな屋台があふれていた。
　そんな中……。
 
「お腹すいたよー」と、ナツミが声を上げた。
「ほんまや。それにえらい寒いわ！」震えながら言ったのはスグルだった。
それもそのはず、俺達はもう4日間も食事にありついておらず、しかも裸だった。
 
　と、側でたこ焼きを食べていた小さな女の子が、つまようじの先からひとつ落とした。
 
「あ、私もーらい！」
ナツミがスグルを押しのけて、落ちたタコ焼きを拾い上げたその瞬間……
なんとたこ焼きは炎に包まれてしまったのだ。
これにはナツミだけでなく、落とした女の子も目を丸くして驚いた。
「なんでよー」
　ナツミが地団太を踏んで悔しがった。
「だってしょーがないしょ。あんた達、餓鬼（がき）だから賞味期限切れしか食べられないしー」
　見えないはずの俺達に声をかけたのは誰かとふり返ると、そこにガングロ天女が立っていた。
　彼女はこの地区担当で、赴任したばかりの天女だった。
「わ、天女様！」俺は思わずナツミとスグルの頭を押さえて下げさせた。
「痛ててて、なんでこんなやつにお辞儀なんかすんね……ププププ」
　文句を言ったスグルの口が無くなっていた。
「キャー！」ナツミが悲鳴を上げた。
「なんか、私ら天女の悪口言うと口が無くなるとか聞いたしー。でもすぐに戻るけどね」
「それを早よ言え、このアホ天ヒョ、ウプププ」
　再びスグルの口が消えた。
「で、今日は天女様、いったいなんでここに？」
　俺はつとめて冷静にガングロ天女に聞いた。
「あ、なんかね、あんたらに名前を付けるように言われたんよー。人の名前じゃおかしいからって」
「いいよ、あたしナツミで！」
「なんかそうもいかないんだってー。だからあんたピッピね。こっちの人はペロタン。で、このすぐ怒る人はプンプン」
「ピ、ピッピって、あんたどんな感性してんの？　こう見えてもあたしは昔、アイドルだったのひョプププ……」
　ナツミ改めピッピの口が消えた。
「かわいそうとは思うけどー。これ抽選だし……」
　そう言いながら、ガングロ天女がマズっとばかりに口をふさいだ。
「ええーっと、抽選とおっしゃいますと？」
　俺は再び、つとめて冷静にガングロ天女に聞いた。
「ま、いいか……。つまりーあんた達、死んだ時―、クジ引かされたっしょ。何色だった？」
「茶色……」
　口が元通りになったピッピが答えた。
見ると彼女の額にはなにやら梵字が浮かび上がっている。
おそらくここにピッピと書いてあるのだろう。
「やっぱりね。それが餓鬼の当たりクジだったんよ。約500分の1の確率ね。餓鬼は9千人だから。ちなみに私はピンクだったしー、こっちはなんと10000分の1の確率―ゥ」
「えーっと、とおっしゃいますと、我々が餓鬼なのも、あなた様が天女なのもクジだったと？」
「だってー、大天女様が言うにはー、日本人なんて誰でも似たようなもんでー、みんな飽食してるし、それなりに良い人達ばかりだから、簡単に決められないんだってー。だから抽選にしたらしいよ」
　腹ペコの俺達の血圧が上がった。
「すると、俺達はそんなことで餓鬼やらされてると……？」
「そ、なんでも昔の偉いお坊さんが決めたシステムだから、それを維持する為なんだってー」
　天女はどこからもらってきたのか、綿アメをなめながら言った。
　ついに俺達の血管が切れた。
「どこのくそ坊主だ！　こんなバカな事を思いついたのは！　俺も坊主だったが、ヴィナヤ・ピタカ（初期経典で戒律の書）にもそんなこと書いてなかったぞ」
「食べられないし、裸だし、なのにあんただけ良い着物着て。納得できなプププ……」
「しかも俺らの前で、もの食べんなプププ……」
　俺達全員の口が同時に無くなった。
「と、とにかく私は役目、はたしたしー」
　俺達の剣幕に、ガングロ天女はたまらず退散した。
 
「やってられへんのー、ペロタン」と、元・スグルのプンプンが言った。
「えーん、餓鬼やだよー」と、これはピッピ。
だが、俺はその時、別の事を考えていた。
「なあ、やつは餓鬼が500分の1の確率で9千人だって言ってたよな」
「それがどないしてん。運の悪いやつが仰山（ぎょうさん）おるだけやろ！」
「いや、そうじゃなくて、おまえ日本人の死者が年間何人だか知ってるか？」
「さあ、150万人位やないか……（正確には2009年度は114万人、今後は166万人まで上がる）」
「だとしたら500分の1だと3千人だよな。つまり餓鬼の任期は3年ってことじゃないか？　ということは俺はあと、2年と3カ月ってことになる」
「そういうたら前におったやつもおらんようになったな。それやったら俺もあと2年半や！」
「ヒーン、私なんか2年9カ月もあるよー」
　とはいえ、なんとなく希望が見えてきた俺達は、
あのすっとぼけたガングロ天女にちょっとだけ感謝した。
 
　　　　　　（おしまい）

 

英訳　「餓鬼ども！」第一話。

（少し日本語の話とは変えてあります）

Gakidomo！　 first episode
 
The precincts of the temple are crowded with many worshippers in New Year period.
There are a lot of street stalls where food such as takoyaki, cotton candy, toffee apple, and grilled squid are sold, and it smells good around.
Weak voice is heard in the hustle and bustle.
"I'm hungryyy"　
It's a small preta named Natsumi who said that.
"So am I, and it's very cold."
Suguru said it. He is small preta too, and height is 60 cm, just as Natsumi. He is also a small preta.
"Same here, hungry and cold." I said. 　
I'm a small preta, too.
We hadn't eaten anything for four days and were naked.
But no one cares because we are invisible to the human eye.
Just then,a little girl has dropped one of Takoyaki.
Takoyaki is a Japanese standard snack that contains a piece of octopus in a small round roasted flour.
"Yippee! Takoyaki."
Suguru said with delight.
"Oops! It's mine"
Natsumi pushed Suguru away and took the Takoyaki.　
But, in spite of her effort.
Surprisingly, the Takoyaki has burned with flames.
"Ouch, I accidentally burned my tongue!"　
Natsumi screamed and threw away the Takoyaki.　
"What happened ?"
She lamented the terrible situation.
The little girl was surprised to see Takoyaki suddenly burned.
Just then, female voice was heard from behind.
"It's no coice, you are preta.So you can eat only food that’s rotten or past the expiration date."
When we looked back, a celestial maiden was there.
"Oh! celestial maiden"　I am surprised.
Her name is Amane Hirahara. It seems that she has once been a Shibuya gal in her former lifetime.
She was the celestial maiden in charge of this area.
I prostrated to the celestial maiden and urged Suguru and Natsumi to bow to her.
"Why do I have to bow to such a woman … ribbit"
Suguru, who said something irreverent to the celestial maiden, was transformed into a frog by a mysterious force.
"Eek!" Natsumi screamed.
"If you say bad things about celestial maiden, you will be a frog, but it will soon recover," Amane said.
As per her advice, Suguru was quickly restored. But he made another mistake yet.
"Say it first, this stupid celestial maiden… ribbit"
Suguru was transformed into a frog again.
"Therefore, you should always be careful in your speech, my friend."
I warned him.
"By the way, celestial maiden, what is the nature of your coming today?"
I asked her politely.
"Yes, I forgot. Today I came here to give you a new name." Amane said.
"Is it a new name? But we already have a name." I told her.
"Don't mind, thanks for your kindness, but I have the name Natsumio."
"I have the name Suguru. Thank goodness!!"
They said at the same time.
"But that's the name when you were human, isn't it?"
"That's right."
"Now you are preta, not humans, so you need a new name, Right?"
"Yes, I understand." I had no choice but to answer so.
"So your new name is Perrotin. Natsumi's new name is Pippi. And Suguru's new name is Punpun, because Suguru gets angry soon."
Amane sloppyly decided on our name.
The moment she named us, a Sanskrit characters emerged on our forehead.　
"What's that cheesy name? Better yet, name it Jane Doe… ribbit."
Pippi, ex-Natsumi, was transformed into a frog.
"I'm sorry, but you guys became preta in the lottery."
She let the cat out of the bag.
"Did you say lottery now?"
As much as possible I asked calmly.
"Oh shit! "　She was clearly upset.
"Well, I'm sure it's all come out in the wash. Didn't you draw a lottery when you died?"
Amane asked us.
"I did draw a lottery, but what is that?"
"What color card came out?"
"I drew a brown card." "I was also a card of the same color." "Me too."
We answered Amane.
"Yeah. After death, the probability of becoming a preta in a lottery is 1/500. There are a total of 9,000 pretas."
"Oh my God! That's incredible!!" I was very surprised at her words.
"Incidentally, I drew a pink card, so I became a celestial maiden. This is a 1/10000 probability!"Amane went on to say that.
"In other words, was it the result of the lottery that we were preta and that you were a celestial maiden?" I asked her for confirmation.
"That's right. According to the Queen of celestial maiden, in Japan today, everyone is gluttony and she can't blame anyone. Therefore, who will become a preta will be decided by lottery." Amane said plainly.
My blood pressure rose to hear that.
"Let me be clear. It seems that the rules was not decided by queen of celestial maiden, but wise ancient monks did it." She said calmly while eating cotton candy.
Finally, we were furious.
"Where is the fucking monk who decided such a playful rule? I was also a monk in my lifetime, but I've never heard of such a stupid rule…ribbit!"
"I can't eat it, I'm naked, but you wear a fine kimono. I can't be convinced… ribbit."
"Don't eat a cotton candy in front of us. Stupid celestial maiden… ribbit."
We were transformed into frogs at the same time by mysterious power.
"I didn't do it," Amane made an excuse.
"Well, I'm back because I've played a role." She rushed home.
"Fuck it!"　Punpun said.
"AAAAAA! I hate preta"　Pippi cried.
But I was thinking about something else at that time.
"Hey PunPun, Amane said that there is a 1/500 chance and that there are 9,000 pretas."
"So what? It’s just there are a lot of unlucky guys."
"I didn't mean it that way. Do you know how many people die in Japan every year?"
"Who knows?"
"In my memory, that was about 1.5 million people.If so, 1/500 of the dead would become 3000 people." （To be exact, 1376,000 people in 2019）
"What do you want to say?"
"In other words, the total number of pretas is 9,000, and the addition of 3,000 newcomers a year means that the term of pretas is three years. Is that different?"
"You're right."
"If so, my term will be two years and three months." I said.
"By that calculation, my term is two years and six months!" PunPun shouted.
"AAAAAA! In my case, it last two years and nine months more! " Pippi lamented.
Anyway, we somehow found hope, and we thanked the silly celestial maiden a little.
 
The end
 
 
 
I want people from other countries to read the novels I wrote.
So, I translated the first episode on the book published by oneself (for the title, GAKIDOMO) into English.
I'm extremely worried about whether this translation sentence can hand the meaning to you or not.
 
 
To be continued.

「餓鬼ども！」