Madness of the world, madness of myself

Pandemics and wars happen.
It seems like it was bound to happen.
The world and people are crazy. It is unbelievably stupid.
We, the human race, bear the consequences and responsibility for whatever is caused by that stupidity.
We set up our own civilization, we destroy it, and we clean up the rubble.
We have been doing it, and we will continue to do it.
In the midst of this madness and stupidity, I myself live.
As a part of that madness and stupidity.
I am also a human being. I am a member of that stupid and unreasonable humanity.
There is no escaping it.
I am also a member of the stupid human race, but I don't want to live my life in such a way that I have to cover up my stupidity with ignorance and cynicism.
Pandemics. Wars. Global environmental cataclysms. A soon-to-be economic collapse.
The attitude of turning a blind eye to such things, saying, "It's all someone else's business elsewhere."
The cowardly attitude of turning a blind eye to one's own ignorance and insensitivity and continuing to affirm it.
I despise them the most.

In the midst of such a world,
Music and art are becoming more and more brilliant.
The more the world becomes like this, the more I am convinced that music and art are absolutely indispensable to me.
A life without music and art is not worth living.
That's probably why I unconsciously made music and art the center of my life from early on in my life. To make my life worth living.
"Music and art are meaningless things, they don't produce anything," I was once ridiculed.
These words made me think.
But in the end, I have lived my life to this day without caring about such ridicule.
Why is that? Because I don't seek meaning or productivity from music or art.
It's just that they are essential to me.

It's just the impulses and passions that come from inside my heart that make me choose music and art.
It was the unexplainable swell of my heart, the strong feelings that welled up inside me, that made me choose them.

The world seemed crazy to me from the beginning of my life.
It was so hard to live in, so troubling.
Ever since I was a child, I had been wondering how I could survive.
One day I came across music and art, which easily transcended such a world.
I was a child, crawling on the ground and suffering, but it taught me that there was an experience that transcended the world and that there was another side to the world.
It taught me that there was an option to go beyond the world.
By pursuing it, I was able to survive.
In a way, I think it is "madness".

In the midst of a crazy world,
In order to fight against the madness and emptiness of the world, I have been trying to keep my "own madness" that comes from within me.
By fighting the world's madness with my own madness, I was able to survive.
It was music and art that supported my madness to fight against the madness of the world.
Without it, my soul and body would have been shattered by the madness of the world long ago.
Now, the world is getting crazier and crazier.
The crazier the world gets, the brighter the music and art become.
The crazier the world gets, the more the music and art drive me crazy.
Maybe I am obsessed with the madness of music and art in order to fight against the madness of the world.

Stupid and incorrigible people have made a mess of the world.
But people have not only wept and cried over their own stupidity.
People have also created great music and art.
I both hate and love people and this world.
I feel an unfathomable despair and a piercing hope at the same time.

(Feb 2nd, 2022)